A Busy School

School was very busy this last term. First of all we had presentations. Jane won Pupil of the Year for most individual house points, and Roman House won the House Shield. I'm House Captain of Romans, so I was well pleased with the efforts of my fellow Romans.
School actually started off fairly quietly. We have this little game that we play, called "pegging". you have to see how many pegs you can attach to a Beak without them catching on. It's not as easy as it seems because they are aware of our goals, and most of the Beaks shy away nervously if a pupil approaches within 18 inches of them. New Beaks are the easiest, because they haven't developed the highly suspicious nature of the regular ones! And then of course there is practice. You need to have a very quick, light hand to do the deed as you stroll past. My Nemesis befell me as I tried to peg Mr Armstrong. He was wearing a natty piece of gent's tailoring, a striped blazer, and we'd already chanced our luck by asking him where he had "parked" his boat. Apparently it was moored at Henley and we were to watch it. After a moment's confusion as Henley is some way up River from our venue, it dawned on us that it was our behviour we had to watch. So I strolled past with a rather nice green peg, with a tail on it, but I fumbled the pass, and I hadn't got more than two or three paces away when the words "Grant, see me straight after Assembly" stopped me in my tracks.
Once the unpleasantness was over I wriggled back to my seat, and settled down for history. We had a super lesson on ancient Romans. We learned about the structure of the Roman Army. Prof had provided lots of pictures, which we studied while he explained the difference between officers and other ranks, and all about the punishments they got if they didn't fight hard enough. We learned all about the origin of the word decimate..... fairly innocuous today, but two thousand years ago it meant the death of every tenth man in the offending legion. Scary hey? I think the other beaks were a bit surprised at how well behaved we were, but most of us were disappointed when the lesson came to an end.
We worked our way through maths and Drama, collecting entries for our Discipline Books, and having them dealt with during breaks. Tommy and I went round everyone making sure that they were all set for our major plan for the day's mischief. Mr Armstron had recently reminded us about Politeness to Teachers. At NGM, when the Beak comes into the classroom at the beginning of the lesson, we all have to stand up, and remain quiet until given permission to sit. This time, when ol Amstring came in, we stayed sitting, chatting amongst ourselves, throwing toys about etc. Sir was incensed, our books were collected and the spare Beaks assiduously wrote down our offences as we started English Grammar. In the interim I quietly turned on my Fisher's Price tape recorder which was hidden under my desk complete with specially doctored music cassette tape.
We were about five minutes into the Grammar Lesson when the tape kicked in, and the theme from the film Jaws filled the air. I put up my hand, and remarked brightly, "Please Sir, they're playing your tune!" Mr Armstrong glared around the classroom, but even he had to smile when he found us all grinning back at him, wearing the jelly fangs which Tommy mac had provided! There was more scribbling in the books!
We finished off the day with a set of Puppet plays based on the Punch and Judy theme. Vikings dropped their baby, Saxons did theirs in original Anglo Saxon which incensed Miss Livingboobs who does not allow uncomplimentary language in school, Romans did a parody of Postman Pat and his black and white cat using the Beaks as their models, and Celts wowed us all with a tale of cannibalism which won them the House Points on offer.
I checked my discipline book and found I had several entries still to be dealt with. Nothing too serious in my opinion, but Mr Armstrong wasn't very appreciative when I shrugged my shoulders at him when he called me to task for entering the kitchen without permission, and Mr Melman (Postman Pat) wasn't too enamoured of the grow your own wig which I had bought for him. Well, the weather's getting chilly, I was just thinking of his welfare, he has a broad forehead and must feel the cold! I didn't feel cold when they both finished dealing with me though. Mr Malcolm kept on blaming me for impertinence, and he nearly punished me for pegging him when I hadn't. I was telling him it wasn't me, and Ol amstring who was passing by told him that if I said it wasn't me, it wasn't, cos I am very truthful. I still got punished for cheek though, and he kept losing count I think, and starting from the beginning, cos there were several lots of six involved!
So all in all another fun day. And the next thing is boarding school! We have got so much planned for that! Unfortunately I can't give much hint of that here cos this is glanced over occasionally by the odd Beak, and we don't want to spoil the surprise! So more about that after the event providing I can settle comfortably on a chair long enough to type up the account!

Term time is approaching

Term time seems to be creeping up on us. Time, I think , for some serious plotting. I can't disclose much on here just in case it's being monitored by the Beaks, but it depends rather on whether they have accrued any computer privileges. Our Beaks, you see, are parked safely in the Home for the Frail and Befuddled between terms, where they do bed pan training, knotting courses, or, in the case of our Head of English, just hang upside down from the rafters in the basement, like a bat. Good behaviour and compliance does, or so we pupils understand, earn the Beaks privileges, like using the computer, having a real knife to cut their meat rather than a plastic one and so on. Computer privileges can be something of a nuisance though, as we are frequently called to task or ordered "On Report" by a disgruntled Beak. Still, I'll take a chance cos there are a couple of things which I need to know.
Would anyone know what is the best sort of glue for attaching teeth to a mousetrap? And would it be a good idea to transfer current from the mains through the Staff Room door handle, or would that be just a tad too strong? Science isn't my best subject.
I really must go and sort through my satchel, update the contents, and get rid of anything superfluous to my needs, like exercise books and test papers.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

The School Trip

We had the bestest ever school trip yesterday. And we didn't have to wear uniform, not even our NGM tee shirts, so I wore my Little Miss Trouble tee shirt! We went to Stonehenge. It was brill. By "we" I mean Miss Livingstone our long suffering Headmistress, Mr Malcolm, and Professor Robertson, who were the beaks in charge, then there was me, tommy mac, peter martin and sarah robinson. It's difficult, being summer time, for all the pupils to get together outside of term, lots of them have Guardians who take them to nice places like Cornwall or Blackpool. My Guardian sent me to stay with his miserable Cousin at Gloom House in Grim Cove, but they didn't keep me long, however that's another story!!
Back to yesterday. My Guardian decanted me at the Headmistress's house. We were a few minutes late owing to unexpected developments at home, but I got there before tommy mac!!! Yayy, tommy was late, again....Miss Liversausage told him off! We sat quietly in the car while we were driven down to a carpark near Amesbury, I think it was called, where we met Prof Robertson who had very kindly offered to bring sarah robinson down with him. Peter martin was dropped off, presumably by his guardian but I didn't see him arrive at first, then Mr Malcolm arrived. I'd tried sending Mr Malcolm some alternative driving directions and a change of time, but he'd sussed out what I was doing and I was under strict instructions to behave myself, or else!
Tommy, me, peter and sarah got into a huddle cos we wanted to apprise sarah of a couple of things we have got plotted for next term and her Guardian doesn't have computer privileges. Bit of a Luddite or so I understand from sarah. Anyway, the Beaks were immediately suspicious, they always are when they see a gaggle of us together, can't imagine why. So it ended up that tommy and peter were kept together with Miss L, sarah had to ride with Prof, and Mr Malcolm made me ride in his car with a threat of a reprimand if I didn't toe the line. His reps tend to burn strips off your skin, so I thought I'd better be good.
Eventually we parked, and walked along this track towards Normanton Down Cemetery. The landscape was amazing, softly rolling hills with humps along their ridges. Miss Liversausage explained that these were barrows. There are lots of different types, and this area is fair peppered with them. The bronze age people and the neolithic people used to park their dead relatives in these barrows, along with grave goods. Tommy wanted to go and dig a hole, but Miss L said we were not allowed to go right up to them.
After a while, the track that we were following rose up and up, and then, at the crest, we could see right across the valley to where Stonehenge stood out in all its glory. It was spectacular to us 21st century folk, and we knew it was there, it must have been awe inspiring to the ancient folk.
After a stop for drinks, we pottered back to the cars, and went round to Stonehenge itself.
First priority was lunch. The weather was glorious and we just sat in the field and munched and chatted. Miss Livingstone wanted to take us all across to see the barrows up close. By this time, I was in a bit of difficulty. My walking boots are still rather new, and a bit stiff, and I'd managed to grow an enormous blister on the side of my big toe, plus the waistband of my jeans was scraping across the scar I acquired recently in hospital, and my side felt like it was on fire.
The beaks were somewhat reluctant to leave me to my own devices. Eff-one (Mr Malcolm) seemed to be of the opinion that I might knock the stones down like a domino run if I wasn't watched. I think he was still a tad miffed cos I'd suggested we use him as a sacrificial goat as a sort of practical lesson on what happened in the olden days at Stonehenge!
Anyway, I believe lots were drawn, and it fell to Prof Robertson to give up the 3 mile round trek to the barrows and supervise my behaviour. Having felt his hand on more than one occasion, I decided I didn't want to run the risk of a spanking and sat quietly while the others set off on their expedition. It was very comfortable sitting in the sun. Prof Robertson and I discussed various aspects of military history, and the life and times in the late nineteen forties, fifties and sixties, so the time passed quickly and pleasantly.
When the others returned, we were taken to a harvester restaurant where we had a scrummy meal. Everyone was still on their best behaviour and it was fun eating with the grown ups.
After that we said goodbye to Sarah and Prof cos they had a long way to go home, and we went off to drive home. It was super fun, and I do hope we get to go on another day trip.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

July Schoolday.

Well, that was a fun day. We had co-ordinated a certain amount of mischief in the days before school began, and huddled together just before Assembly to fine tune the details! We had decided that Mr Melman was to be the target of the rhubarb project. We have nothing against the dear man, it was just that his subject lent itself to our needs! He's the Social and Economic History Beak, you see, and we get some very interesting lectures about famous, and infamous folk in history. The ploy was to wait and see which poor sod he had angled in on this time, then use their name as the cue for chanting "rhubarb". We were going to claim that we were victims of post hypnotic suggestion, but retribution landed far too swiftly for us to try and swing that one. The first problem came when Mr Melman, or Postman Pat as he is affectionately known amongst his little charges, revealed that he had left his notes at home, so was considering doing a General Knowledge quiz. By chance there was available a little project on William Corder, the Red Barn Murderer, so Postman Pat being a believer in democracy, decided he would put us to the vote as to whether we wanted history or General Knowledge. Tommy went round the boys, I nobbled the girls, and it was suggested that we all vote for History! We did.
The beauty of having the subject of the lecture as the cue word is that the lecturer has to keep repeating the name as the talk continues... even when he's twigged! It didn't take him long to twig either, and he had Mr Malcolm (aka eff-one) scurrying around the classroom collecting our punishment books, then writing "rhubarb" under the list of offences! Retribution was suitably painful, but the giggle factor was worth it!
There was quite a lively race meeting after lunch. Racing grannies and nuns bounded along the track, and several of the pupils were betting quite heavily. Yours truly was out of this bit of mischief. I'd upset eff-one a tad by dropping a pill into his orangeade which transformed into a snake (the pill not the orangeade). He took exception to this, and also decided that as I was handy, he would wipe off a few more offences from my list. They are amazing those lists, they are like Topsy from Uncle Tom's Cabin, they just grow! Anyway, I think he was slightly on the miffed side, he certainly laid on with a will anyway, and I retired to the step outside the back door to recover my composure for several minutes. The only advantage was that I was not hauled away by the Headmistress to be dealt with for gambling. An offence which is definitely against the school rules.
At the beginning of school I'd managed to secrete a grisly sounds machine in the cupboard behind the teacher. It went off several times before Mr Grimshaw (the Grim) tracked it down. There was another one going off at the same time, a ruder one, which gave mine some respite and a chance to moan again. Mr G expressed his displeasure in the usual way, and I do rather bemoan the fact that we are not issued with soft cushions for our rather hard school seats.
I was in a funny old mood overall cos I was so thrilled to be back after being off sick last time. I decided to see what would happen if I tried some blatant defiance. I said "shan't" to Postman Pat, and refused to let eff-one confiscate a tap prank, telling him "no, will not"...... The results were reprimands which curled my toes, and chastisements that I can still feel as I type. I did make my apologies, and I've ticked that off my things to try to do, and put them onto my list of things not to be attempted again because the consequences are too dire.
We had a rather interesting maths lesson with Miss Brookes (Miss Teabags....what else could we call her), doing tangrams. They are a lot trickier than they look. We also had some questions on triangles, and I was thrilled to five out of five right, cos that meant a house point (and they are as rare as hen's teeth most of the time!).
Archaeology involved a lesson on Stonehenge. I think most if not all of us were disappointed when it had to be cut short cos we were running out of time. Still we've got that to look forward to in September.
We didn't manage absolutely everything that we had planned, but then there is always next time and it's good to have some plans in reserve.
Lots of good harmless fun, plenty of nice naughtiness, and we have inculcated the new oiks into the ethos of the school, no sneaking, no letting someone else take the blame for your mischief and we all pull together against the beaks.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

New Term

The new term is creeping up upon us. I am so excited. I missed last term due to ill health, so I'm going to doubly enjoy myself this time. We have been plotting. Can't mention the pranks here cos sometimes there is the odd beak (and our Beaks are odd, believe me) lurking about. I don't want to forewarn them. But after school, I will reveal all!

The Midnight Feast

We were all quite tired at the end of the first full day. We'd had several hours of formal lessons, and after tea we'd settled down to an hour's prep too. I tried injecting a spot of liveliness into prep, but all I managed was to infuriate Mr Malcolm into handing out a caning which left me very well behaved for the remainder of the period!

After Prep there was one more lesson, star gazing, but I had to remain indoors because my Guardian had forbidden me to go out into the cool night air. The others all enjoyed the lesson, but we were all very excited because we had planned a Midnight Feast.

First of all we had to get past Lights Out. Sadly, our excitement caused us to chatter, and Miss Livingstone descended upon us and placed us on report for talking after Lights Out. We kept a bit quieter after that. Michelle and I took turns going out on the landing to see when all the Beaks had gone to bed. It was lucky we were on the top floor and they were on the floor below, cos we could spy on them quite easily.

We'd decided that the traditional hour, Midnight, was to be our target time. The last of the Beaks headed off to beddy byes at 1130, and we set about waking the others. Tommy mac and Peter were fast asleep, but woke up quickly once they realised it was time. Katherine and Nicola were a much more difficult task, and we had to reluctantly leave Nicola who was just too soundly asleep to rouse!

We gathered all our tuck, and started creeping down the stairs. Tommy mac remarked that stairs make much more noise after dark, and he was right, they creaked and groaned as if to wake the dead!

However we reached the ground floor safely, and ensconced ourselves in the Staff Room. Yes, I know the Staff Room is out of bounds to the pupils, but we were being so naughty anyway, we didn't think it would make that much difference!

We had a super assortment of goodies, cakes, crisps, nibbles, chocolate, coke and cider. We raided the kitchen to look for more goodies, and the boys had a Cup Final Championship on the football thingy game . A couple of the girls nipped out the back to smoke, then we all returned to the Staff Room and chatted for simply ages. Not a soul stirred upstairs, and we were thrilled to think we'd got away with it.

Next morning however nemesis caught up with us! We were summoned into the Staff Room, and Miss Livingstone produced some wrappers, and a cidery cup which we'd been careless enough to leave behind. We knew the game was up, and anyway, at New Grange Manor we are on our honour to tell the truth, so we confessed. We made sure that the Staff knew that Nicola was innocent though, we look after our chums at NGM.

Retribution was of course, swift, Robert and I got double as we are Head Boy and Girl... there's always responsibility with office! And although we all, except Nicola, had some difficulty sitting comfortably at breakfast, the memory of the Feast kept us giggling for the rest of the day.

Boarding School

That was the bestest, superest, dooperiest weekend ever! And once I can sit comfortably for a period of time on this hard seat, I shall share some of it with you! Things like the Midnight Feast, the Kitchen Raid (which we got away with), the 2am bombardment of sound bugs (which we didn't get away with hence my discomfort!) the school trip to the seaside, all sorts of wonderful things!
Bethany