Friday, 21 August 2009

Term time is approaching

Term time seems to be creeping up on us. Time, I think , for some serious plotting. I can't disclose much on here just in case it's being monitored by the Beaks, but it depends rather on whether they have accrued any computer privileges. Our Beaks, you see, are parked safely in the Home for the Frail and Befuddled between terms, where they do bed pan training, knotting courses, or, in the case of our Head of English, just hang upside down from the rafters in the basement, like a bat. Good behaviour and compliance does, or so we pupils understand, earn the Beaks privileges, like using the computer, having a real knife to cut their meat rather than a plastic one and so on. Computer privileges can be something of a nuisance though, as we are frequently called to task or ordered "On Report" by a disgruntled Beak. Still, I'll take a chance cos there are a couple of things which I need to know.
Would anyone know what is the best sort of glue for attaching teeth to a mousetrap? And would it be a good idea to transfer current from the mains through the Staff Room door handle, or would that be just a tad too strong? Science isn't my best subject.
I really must go and sort through my satchel, update the contents, and get rid of anything superfluous to my needs, like exercise books and test papers.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

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