Friday, 31 December 2010
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Friday, 5 November 2010
Here is a contribution by our resident "bad boy" Tommy Mac to add to the overall impressions.
. "I never knew school could be such fun! Oh happy days, walking round to the schoolrooms in crocodile, disappearing one at a time so the poor old Beaks arrive on their tod. lol How easy they make it for you, just one Beak at the head ha! We all thought the Beaks were a bit green this year as they seemed to fall for nearly all our plots. Even Postie rather foolishly allowed several pupils to leave the lesson to collect the stolen 'confiscated' stuff. We took a bit of a long time 'collecting' them. One change though..Beaks bite back, We found detonators and tricks being left in our dorms! Outrageous. I think it was brilliant this year, most of the day was timetabled and there was no waiting around for something to happen. The teachers kept busy trying to deal with the entries in all our books, but I came home with 6 or 7 outstanding, and I think lots of us did. I call that a victory. The lessons were great too as lessons go. The Prof's battles really came to life and the Halloween drama thing turned out to be good fun. Of course there were some dumb old tests as well, but you can't have everything. Next year Miss says we will investigate the old school in the village. Is she mad! We don't want to leave our school just to look at another one! There's no accounting for Beaks brain waves.
Thursday, 4 November 2010
"Thanks Miss Livingstone and all for making such a good weekend, lots of fun which really boosted my low spirits at the moment. Funny how as soon as i link up with all my school chums and partner in crime I easily fell back into the non stop routine of annoying Beaks!!
When i initially suggested popping a balloon outside Miss L's bedroom door at 4am, on the way back to our beds from a midnight feast (made later by the fact that Miss L and Mr Holmes just wouldnt stop texting us.....), I wasn't sure if any of the pupils would be brave enough to join me. However Sarah immediately agreed to pop the balloon if i stayed with her, whilst the others all waited on the stairs ready to run once the deed was done. The balloon went off and we all legged it to our bedrooms. Five minutes past and we all returned to the landing to see if any lights went on. We heard the Prof which is very unusual as nothing normally wakes him and dived back under our bed clothes with lights out. Miss Livingstone's head looked round the girls dormitory door and declared "I'll be back".
It was then that we decided 'in for a penny in for a pound' and all scarpered into Mr Melmans old bedroom. We can safely say Miss Liverboobs was not a happy Beak on her return and found all but Tommy, who was behind me in the wardrobe, but did appear when we were told to line up on the far side. It was unfortunate that whilst she was lecturing us, not one pupil could stop laughing, making the situation even funnier! After being caned we all trooped back to bed and stayed there. Just seeing a very sleepy Miss Livingstone's face appearing round the corner of the door made the prank was worth the punishment!! I have since decided that 4am must be a favourite time of ours, as at the previous boarding school i set the hidden alarm clock to go off in Miss L's room at 4am as well!! Will this 4am routine become a tradition? We will have to wait and see..............
The quiet innocent pupil, well most of the time!!!!! "
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Monday, 1 November 2010
Friday, 15 October 2010
We've already seen the timetable, and it's crammed full of activities. There doesn't seem to be much time for causing mayhem and mischief, but of course, where there is a will...... Although I'm not sure if Will is coming, there's me, and Sarah and Michelle, Tommy Mac, Keef, and Chris, not sure who else, although we have a wide range of beaks, Miss Liversausage, Mr (Sherbert) Holmes, Mr Melman (Postie), Mr Malcolm (ol Eff 1), Mr Reamon (A4) and ol Prof Robertson. Gosh, that's a Beak/Pupil ratio of one to one. I hadn't realised that, we'll certainly have to keep on our toes, otherwise we'll just be looking at them (our toes)! Still, I do enjoy a challenge.
My Guardian can't take me all the way to the venue. Poor old dear tires too easily driving long distances on account of her "affliction"..... so I am to be decanted part way and I will share a car with Tommy mac (hooray) and Miss Liversausage and Mr Holmes (boo) all the way there. Not a great deal of scope for plotting, but I dare say we might manage something. Our Beaks do tend to have the hearing of bats, although at least we are spared the company of the completely batty one, as he will remain hanging from the rafters, in the basement of the Home for the Befuddled and Confused, like a bat. I do have a photo somewhere, must see if I can find it and scan it in.......
Anyway, I digress. A nice long weekend, in school uniform, in beautiful surroundings and a gorgeous schoolhouse, what more could anyone ask? And there's always the chance we might learn something interesting too!
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Saturday, 9 October 2010
Jane took the personal house points trophy, again, as the Beaks had given her the most personal hps during the year.
We had quite a large gathering, 15 pupils, including some new oiks who we inculcated into our mischief making ways. Daisy, Sarah, Maxine and I enlivened morning break by standing side by side, feet slightly apart, arms upraised to make an "X". hands lightly touching. We waited to see which Beak we would draw in, and in due course ol Eff 1 lumbered across to us demanding to know what we were doing. I explained that we were making a human transmitter, to try and communicate with an alien life form. And as we dropped our arms, I commented to the girls "and it looks as if we have succeeded girls". Eff 1 looked a trifle discomfited and said he would deal with us later. I don't think he ever did though, he certainly didn't catch up with me, there's nothing in my punishment book about communicating with alien life forms!
By this time we'd had Political History with Mr Grimshaw (I booby trapped his books with a detonator which made a pleasing bang, oddly enough he wasn't pleased, and expressed his displeasure in the usual way!). Exploration of Knowledge with the new Beak, Mr Ray (Sugar) came next, during which I pinched the box of chalk of his desk and passed it around the class. Several of us were in possession of "School chalk liquorice", a white sweet which looks like pieces of chalk, and we openly ate these as the chalk box circulated. He either didn't notice, or decided not to go there, so once again we got away with a fairly well organised piece of mischief.
I was a little late for biology having not heard the bell. This is probably explained by the fact that I was hiding behind the woodshed waiting for another pupil to join me in an act of truancy. However he got waylaid on his way out and sent back to his desk, and I was bored and a bit cold so I went back in. I got an entry in my book for being late to class, but then in that lesson I got half a dozen entries for one thing or another so it all sort of blurred into one. i didn't sit comfortably for some time, mind. The Grim in particular seems to have realised I won't break in two if he whacks me that bit harder!!
Lunch was scrummy, the downside being that Daisy and I had to sit at the Beaks' end of the table as the other seats were all taken. it's not a pretty sight, you know, dear Readers, watching the teaching faculty at the trough so to speak!
We decided to enliven the day after Lunch by developing measles. I had a couple of packets of red adhesive dots in my satchel, as you do, and we dotted them on our faces, hands and legs. Miss Livingsausage was incensed when we declared that we were allergic to dinner, rattan, canes, straps and anything else the Beaks might have about their persons to chastise poor pupils with. She made us line up, no consideration that we might be ailing, and after threatening us all with a dose of cod liver oil and malt (which I adore) we were sent into the Staffroom two by two, a bit like the animals in the Ark, for the Grim and ol Eff1 to deal with us. And they did so with a somewhat alarming degree of enthusiasm!
Art was great fun. We made Bunting with a Halloween theme. This is going to be hung at the boarding school weekend. I decided on a skull in a coffin shaped box, quite gruesome, and fiddly to do, but it earned me a precious hp so I was well pleased.
By this time we were all getting tired, and Prof Robertson wisely shelved his lecture on military history (bit of a disappointment to me as I love military history) and we played "Who am I?" using figures from history. It was fun and brought the evening to a gentle end.
So all in all a good day.
Boarding school comes next, so watch this space!!
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Sunday, 15 August 2010
I arrived quite early, and having changed into my uniform, we have lovely new school hats now btw, (and this term I wore my best grey gymslip as I wasn't wearing my school jumper, the weather being a little warm) I was sent into the Staffroom to sit at the table and do my Sats under the eagle eye of Mr Malcolm. And I must say it made a pleasant change to be sitting in the Staffroom rather than being bent over a bench in there! The Sats were quite challenging, especially as it's an extra two months for me since we did the work we were being tested on. I do know I inadvertently added several hundred thousands of years to the building of Stonehenge, by my reckoning it would have been Tyrannosaurus Rex and his mates who had a hand, or a claw, in it!!
Still it was finished in time for me to have a bit of fun before school started. I met the two new ticks, Jeff and Danny, and introduced them to pegging. We also had a new Beak, Mr Ray, who Jane promptly re-christened "Sugar", can't have a Beak at New Grange Manor who doesn't have a nickname! Being fresh meat he was the ideal subject for a demonstration of pegging. I strolled past, attached a bright pink clothes peg to the bottom of his jacket, and returned to the new pair to hand over a couple of pegs for them to have a go. The Grim spotted the peg and called me across to him and Sugar to give me a gentle reprimand (it was before school started) and to explain to Sugar the niceties of some of our mischief. He did also tell him that my word can be relied on, if I'm guilty I confess, if I deny the prank, they can be 100% certain I am innocent, so that was nice to hear. We rely a lot on personal honour at NGM, and we rather frown on folk who deliberately let others get into trouble for their misdeeds. It's just not cricket.
We got stuck into lessons immediately after Assembly. History with the Grim consisted of some bite size facts about the Houses of Plantagenet,Lancaster and Tudor, although we stopped at Henry 7th this term. Henry 8th will nearly merit a lesson all on his own, like the Grim said, a bloke with six mother-in-laws needs a bit of space!
Archaeology was a bit of a hoot when Miss Livingboobs started talking about a couple of Archaeologists who are called "Leakey" (sic), and once she mentioned they were "incontinent of Africa" Jane and I lost it completely and were doubled over our desks nearly crying with laughter. We were sent out of the class in disgrace and ended up being bent double over the bench in the Staff Room which tended to steady us somewhat!
We had loads of other lessons, English Literature (Roman House got full marks in the Dickens Quiz), a spelling test ( two precious house points for me and Nicola for a 100% score) Biology, a somewhat surreal lesson where we learnt about the origins of poop. Thankfully that was after Lunch which consisted, it being summer term, of a cold packed Lunch. Lots of scrummy filled rolls, crisps, fruit, jellies, tomatoes and all sorts of goodies. I got into a bit of trouble when a tomato accidentally fell on eff-one's head, he hauled me off to the Staffroom and expressed his displeasure in the usual way. I expressed my cheek in the usual way but only succeeded in getting an extra 3 hard whacks which made me jump about a bit so I desisted after that!
I'd provided a jar of piccalilli for the Staff table. But they were all wary of opening it, led by the Grim who once opened a jar of mustard I'd offered him, and nearly dropped it when the snake popped out! Even the new Beak, ol Sugar, had become increasingly wary as the day progressed, by the end he was shying like a skittish colt if a pupil passed within three feet of him! Anyway, Chris, an intrepid Roman opened it up in the end, and a snake made a satisfying entry into the world! We also had a salt cellar which shoots along the table at a rate of knots. I'd had another couple of pranks in the pipeline but sadly I'd left them at home. Never mind, there's always October school, or the weekend Boarder.
We did try making gunpowder after lunch. Tommy mac acquired a spoon, and after several abortive attempts I got a beaker and we mixed the saltpetre (cream of tartar), sulfur (custard powder) and carbon (cocoa) together to make a nice powder. Must have got the proportions wrong though cos it didn't go off. Maybe just as well, I got into enough trouble with little bangers, a big explosion might have resulted in some serious retribution!! Plus we don't do dangerous mischief anyway, that's not the NGM way.
So all in all a lively school, and I can't wait for the next one!
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Monday, 12 April 2010
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Monday, 8 March 2010
Mr Malcolm suggested we do lines as he and Miss Livingstone wanted to go to bed (not together of course!) and they thought we didn't, although bed seemed tome a very good idea at that point. We had to write something like " ! will not drink alcohol, tell fibs, get out of my bed and hide other people's implements", memory is a bit hazy at this distance, but it was along those lines (no pun intended). We were taken into the Prep room and left at the table writing the lines. We were to leave them on the table when we'd finished. We pretty soon decided that we weren't going do then correctly, in fact the first two lines were okay but the rest we changed to read something totally different, an example of this is
'I will drink alcohol, get out of bed, tell fibs and hide other people's immigrants/ intention/ etc.”
We also but duff numbers by the side so that we got the numbers up to the 64 that they finally decided on, eg 19,20,21,37,38 etc and crossed our fingers they were not checked. We needn't have worried! I went up to the dorm at 2.45, michelle at 3.20 and tommy not long after that. We knew that the next morning we daren't make any complaint about being tired as would cause their wrath again!!!
Friday, 5 March 2010
Once again, my thanks to Michelle for her thoughts and memories.
At bedtime we kept playing up and we did not get to bed on time despite Eff-1 chasing us into our dorms! Eff-1 tried to take Michelle’s torch away as she kept switching it back on, so she got a smaller one out of the drawer to foil him with! Michelle went out onto the landing to see if it was clear, but Eff-1 was lurking out there. He asked Michelle what was she doing. She replied she was going to the toilet but that didn't wash with him and she was escorted to the staff room for a whacking.
About 20 minutes later Michelle , Sarah and I returned to the landing, trying to hear if the Beaks were upstairs yet. Eventually we heard Eff-1 go into his bedroom and so I operated the remote fart machine a few times. after a while we couldn't hear it so assumed he'd turned it off again.
So now it was time for the Midnight Feast! We had all brought various things for this. Tommy had brought cider, Shell brought lager and cider, and Sarah had some whiskey! Katherine had baked a chocolate cake. But she didn’t come down in the end as she was too tired. Shell held her torch up so we could see the steep stairs down.
Before we had the Feast we decided we would hide all the Beaks’ toys, and we did, thoroughly! We all ate and drank our fill, then sat round chatting about the Beaks and putting the world to rights! At around 2am we decided to go up to bed, so tidied some of the mess away but strategically left other things out so the Beaks would know a midnight feast had taken place. Nicola and Sarah went upstairs while we were finishing off then we followed them upstairs.
Tommy mac, michelle and I decided that we'd give Eff-1 a wake up call like last year, so on the way up I waited on the stairs and tommy played ghost music through a machine while Shell opened his door. We then legged it up the stairs, but as there was no reaction so we decided to do it again only this time, when his light went on we fled. Tommy and Michelle hid in the small passageway linking Eff-1 and the Prof’s room, while I hid under a bed in a spare room. His door opened. Michelle and Tommy were silent, his door closed the light went off but just as they decided to leg it his light came on again. A few minutes after his light was switched off so they decided to make a runner for our dorms. I went first, as my hiding place was closest to the dorm, then tommy and finally Shell. Unfortunately Eff1 was waiting behind his door and chased us up the stairs. He managed to grab hold of Michelle’s foot, so she had no choice but to go with him. Naturally Tommy and I couldn’t leave our chum to face the music alone, so we trooped down to the Staffroom in their wake.
We had that dreadful feeling that things were going to get a lot more interesting. How could we side track him cos once he seen that the implements were missing we were going to be dead meat? He demanded to know where the toys were but we refused to tell him as we had made a pact with the others that nobody would tell them of the location before at least school the next day.
Eff-1's face was a picture when he saw the state of staff room. He demanded to know where the toys were but we continually refused. We were lined up in the Staffroom with our hands on our heads. Eff-1 told us that we would remain there in that position for as long as it took. But eventually he gave up and ordered us to bend over with our hands on head and stay there until we talked. He decided to change tactics and we were ordered to bend over with our hands on the settee. He used his slipper, and continually changed from one person to the next. Although the strokes weren't hard we didn't tell him that just made appropriate 'ow' noises, so he thought they were. After he'd been round all three of us several times we heard a noise from the corridor. It was Miss Livingboobs. We exchanged appalled glances. She demanded to know what was going on. We were then given the third degree as to where the implements were but we all stuck fast informing her that we couldn't tell her as we had made a pact with the others. She had a quick search but they were too well hidden.
And what happened next, well dear reader, it didn’t get any better!!
To be continued….
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Thursday, 28 January 2010
After lunch, Michelle and Tommy mac played footie and for a short period Eff-1 joined in. Then they came inside for a bit. Up in the dormitory, Michelle and Sarah helped me to blow up our inflatables, one man, one woman and one crocodile. We stuffed the man and woman under the bed in a spare bedroom and parked the crocodile in the wardrobe for use later on. Michelle went in Kaz’s and Eff-1's room hiding items.
The next lesson was Cookery with Miss Livingboobs. We made scones. We enjoyed the lesson and were generally well behaved. Nicola's struggled badly with cooking though, and ended up with something more akin to stepping stones than scones! We all helped clean up.
During Astrology Mr Reamon (A4) was very observant and missed nothing that was going on. When he caught me eating sweets he asked if I was hungry! Then he realised that Michelle was the “distribution centre” for the goodies, and wrote in her book! Don’t think he ever followed through with retribution though!!
Military History with Prof Robertson came next, we were doing the Dunkirk Evacuation and it was absolutely fascinating. Michelle got a bit bored, she’s not such a history fanatic as me, but she sat quietly completing a mosaic doodle until Eff-1 swooped and removed her pencil.
I was, in my opinion, unfairly punished for lateness by Mr Malcolm so I trashed his room and threw his slippers into Prof Robertson’s room. Unfortunately I had to confess what I’d done to
Prof R, in order to reclaim F-1’s slippers for him, so I ended up being punished by both F-1 and the Prof.
Prep followed. We were set an Essay which had the title “The Vanishing Headmistress“. Eff-1 decided to supervise, and Prof was sitting on the settee in the prep room too, so we worked away diligently. We were told we could complete it either after tea, during freetime etc as long as it was ready by Sunday pm. We returned to the table after supper as Eff-1 had told us that we had to, as some pupils hadn’t even managed a page yet. We chatted amongst ourselves, which tended to wind Eff-one up and we were taken off to the Staffroom at various times to have the need for quietness impressed upon us. Eff-one nagged Tommy to start so he did a drawing to illustrate the story! Miss Liversausage showed Michelle’s effort to Eff-1 as it had a reference to F1 being in Liversausage's headmistress’ cloak practising his aerobic dance moves! Miss L was a tad upset cos my vanished headmistress was turned into a chicken prior to a chicken barbecue!
Michelle went into F1's room to turn the farting machine back on, and left a spider in his bed in case she was caught in his room. She came upstairs and helped us to re-inflate the female doll and the crocodile. Tommy and Michelle operated on the male doll once they found the source of the leak, and Tommy and Beth found the leak on the crocodile by immersing it in the bath and repaired it with some tape that Tommy provided. When we checked on the inflatables later the female doll hadn't made it through the op, however we did use it on Mr Reamon cos we knew he wouldn't be
F1 shouted for both Michelle and me, and we found him outside his room. He asked if we'd been in there, I was able to truthfully say no, but as we don't lie if asked a direct question Michelle admitted she'd been in there so she was sent down to the staffroom for a caning. Michelle had also been in Miss L's room to place a couple of noisy toys in there and hide a trainer and other personal items of hers. Eff-1 found the male inflatable in his bed and asked me and Michelle if it had something to do with us. We admitted it, then we were told to get rid of it! F1 informed us that he had locked his door and when we tried it, it appeared it had. However after a bit of fiddling with it, Michelle managed to unlock it so the fun could continue!!
We replaced the inflatable man in f-1’s bed, a large inflatable willy went behind Miss L’s curtains, and Prof drew the crocodile. He’d told us of a saying of Churchill’s, about appeasement, something about not feeding crocodiles in the hope that you will be the last to be eaten, so we wrote out the quote and left it with the crocodile!
By then it was Light Out, so we all duly trotted off to bed.