All Through the Night!

Mr Malcolm suggested we do lines as he and Miss Livingstone wanted to go to bed (not together of course!) and they thought we didn't, although bed seemed tome a very good idea at that point. We had to write something like " ! will not drink alcohol, tell fibs, get out of my bed and hide other people's implements", memory is a bit hazy at this distance, but it was along those lines (no pun intended). We were taken into the Prep room and left at the table writing the lines. We were to leave them on the table when we'd finished. We pretty soon decided that we weren't going do then correctly, in fact the first two lines were okay but the rest we changed to read something totally different, an example of this is

'I will drink alcohol, get out of bed, tell fibs and hide other people's immigrants/ intention/ etc.”

We also but duff numbers by the side so that we got the numbers up to the 64 that they finally decided on, eg 19,20,21,37,38 etc and crossed our fingers they were not checked. We needn't have worried! I went up to the dorm at 2.45, michelle at 3.20 and tommy not long after that. We knew that the next morning we daren't make any complaint about being tired as would cause their wrath again!!!

Once again, my thanks to Michelle for her thoughts and memories.

At bedtime we kept playing up and we did not get to bed on time despite Eff-1 chasing us into our dorms! Eff-1 tried to take Michelle’s torch away as she kept switching it back on, so she got a smaller one out of the drawer to foil him with! Michelle went out onto the landing to see if it was clear, but Eff-1 was lurking out there. He asked Michelle what was she doing. She replied she was going to the toilet but that didn't wash with him and she was escorted to the staff room for a whacking.

About 20 minutes later Michelle , Sarah and I returned to the landing, trying to hear if the Beaks were upstairs yet. Eventually we heard Eff-1 go into his bedroom and so I operated the remote fart machine a few times. after a while we couldn't hear it so assumed he'd turned it off again.

So now it was time for the Midnight Feast! We had all brought various things for this. Tommy had brought cider, Shell brought lager and cider, and Sarah had some whiskey! Katherine had baked a chocolate cake. But she didn’t come down in the end as she was too tired. Shell held her torch up so we could see the steep stairs down.

Before we had the Feast we decided we would hide all the Beaks’ toys, and we did, thoroughly! We all ate and drank our fill, then sat round chatting about the Beaks and putting the world to rights! At around 2am we decided to go up to bed, so tidied some of the mess away but strategically left other things out so the Beaks would know a midnight feast had taken place. Nicola and Sarah went upstairs while we were finishing off then we followed them upstairs.

Tommy mac, michelle and I decided that we'd give Eff-1 a wake up call like last year, so on the way up I waited on the stairs and tommy played ghost music through a machine while Shell opened his door. We then legged it up the stairs, but as there was no reaction so we decided to do it again only this time, when his light went on we fled. Tommy and Michelle hid in the small passageway linking Eff-1 and the Prof’s room, while I hid under a bed in a spare room. His door opened. Michelle and Tommy were silent, his door closed the light went off but just as they decided to leg it his light came on again. A few minutes after his light was switched off so they decided to make a runner for our dorms. I went first, as my hiding place was closest to the dorm, then tommy and finally Shell. Unfortunately Eff1 was waiting behind his door and chased us up the stairs. He managed to grab hold of Michelle’s foot, so she had no choice but to go with him. Naturally Tommy and I couldn’t leave our chum to face the music alone, so we trooped down to the Staffroom in their wake.

We had that dreadful feeling that things were going to get a lot more interesting. How could we side track him cos once he seen that the implements were missing we were going to be dead meat? He demanded to know where the toys were but we refused to tell him as we had made a pact with the others that nobody would tell them of the location before at least school the next day.

Eff-1's face was a picture when he saw the state of staff room. He demanded to know where the toys were but we continually refused. We were lined up in the Staffroom with our hands on our heads. Eff-1 told us that we would remain there in that position for as long as it took. But eventually he gave up and ordered us to bend over with our hands on head and stay there until we talked. He decided to change tactics and we were ordered to bend over with our hands on the settee. He used his slipper, and continually changed from one person to the next. Although the strokes weren't hard we didn't tell him that just made appropriate 'ow' noises, so he thought they were. After he'd been round all three of us several times we heard a noise from the corridor. It was Miss Livingboobs. We exchanged appalled glances. She demanded to know what was going on. We were then given the third degree as to where the implements were but we all stuck fast informing her that we couldn't tell her as we had made a pact with the others. She had a quick search but they were too well hidden.

And what happened next, well dear reader, it didn’t get any better!!

To be continued….

Super Wheeze

We have got such a super wheeze planned for next term. The Beaks will be barking mad...!! There's a few of us involved in it, each concentrating on a certain aspect and it's coming together beautifully. All nice naughtiness, but well co-ordinated. Watch this space, although I obviously can't give any hints or details cos of the odd Beak or two who peruse these articles! But it's going to be such fun!!!!
Bethany

More boarding School Fun!

　

After lunch, Michelle and Tommy mac played footie and for a short period Eff-1 joined in. Then they came inside for a bit. Up in the dormitory, Michelle and Sarah helped me to blow up our inflatables, one man, one woman and one crocodile. We stuffed the man and woman under the bed in a spare bedroom and parked the crocodile in the wardrobe for use later on. Michelle went in Kaz’s and Eff-1's room hiding items.

The next lesson was Cookery with Miss Livingboobs. We made scones. We enjoyed the lesson and were generally well behaved. Nicola's struggled badly with cooking though, and ended up with something more akin to stepping stones than scones! We all helped clean up.

During Astrology Mr Reamon (A4) was very observant and missed nothing that was going on. When he caught me eating sweets he asked if I was hungry! Then he realised that Michelle was the “distribution centre” for the goodies, and wrote in her book! Don’t think he ever followed through with retribution though!!

Military History with Prof Robertson came next, we were doing the Dunkirk Evacuation and it was absolutely fascinating. Michelle got a bit bored, she’s not such a history fanatic as me, but she sat quietly completing a mosaic doodle until Eff-1 swooped and removed her pencil.

I was, in my opinion, unfairly punished for lateness by Mr Malcolm so I trashed his room and threw his slippers into Prof Robertson’s room. Unfortunately I had to confess what I’d done to

Prof R, in order to reclaim F-1’s slippers for him, so I ended up being punished by both F-1 and the Prof.

Prep followed. We were set an Essay which had the title “The Vanishing Headmistress“. Eff-1 decided to supervise, and Prof was sitting on the settee in the prep room too, so we worked away diligently. We were told we could complete it either after tea, during freetime etc as long as it was ready by Sunday pm. We returned to the table after supper as Eff-1 had told us that we had to, as some pupils hadn’t even managed a page yet. We chatted amongst ourselves, which tended to wind Eff-one up and we were taken off to the Staffroom at various times to have the need for quietness impressed upon us. Eff-one nagged Tommy to start so he did a drawing to illustrate the story! Miss Liversausage showed Michelle’s effort to Eff-1 as it had a reference to F1 being in Liversausage's headmistress’ cloak practising his aerobic dance moves! Miss L was a tad upset cos my vanished headmistress was turned into a chicken prior to a chicken barbecue!

Michelle went into F1's room to turn the farting machine back on, and left a spider in his bed in case she was caught in his room. She came upstairs and helped us to re-inflate the female doll and the crocodile. Tommy and Michelle operated on the male doll once they found the source of the leak, and Tommy and Beth found the leak on the crocodile by immersing it in the bath and repaired it with some tape that Tommy provided. When we checked on the inflatables later the female doll hadn't made it through the op, however we did use it on Mr Reamon cos we knew he wouldn't be

bothered.!!

F1 shouted for both Michelle and me, and we found him outside his room. He asked if we'd been in there, I was able to truthfully say no, but as we don't lie if asked a direct question Michelle admitted she'd been in there so she was sent down to the staffroom for a caning. Michelle had also been in Miss L's room to place a couple of noisy toys in there and hide a trainer and other personal items of hers. Eff-1 found the male inflatable in his bed and asked me and Michelle if it had something to do with us. We admitted it, then we were told to get rid of it! F1 informed us that he had locked his door and when we tried it, it appeared it had. However after a bit of fiddling with it, Michelle managed to unlock it so the fun could continue!!

We replaced the inflatable man in f-1’s bed, a large inflatable willy went behind Miss L’s curtains, and Prof drew the crocodile. He’d told us of a saying of Churchill’s, about appeasement, something about not feeding crocodiles in the hope that you will be the last to be eaten, so we wrote out the quote and left it with the crocodile!

By then it was Light Out, so we all duly trotted off to bed.

Doctor What....?

I really must get on and do the rest of the Boarding School report. Michelle has given me loads of notes, but it's finding the time.
Anyway, in the meantime, I was watching Doctor Who, and wondered if we could do our version of the series. I was mentally running my eye over our Staffroom of beaks, and I think we would have the perfect cast.
First of all the Doctor himself, my favourite was Tom Baker so we'd need somebody else who is totally insa....... er that is eccentric, and ol Anthrax immediately springs to mind. Ruffle up the hair, and wrap a soft, strong and very very long scarf round his neck and he'd be perfect (well I use the term loosely, you must understand).
Then there is his arch-enemy, The Master. That's got to be our Deputy Head ol Postie. Not that our two revered Beaks are at daggers drawn, it's just that Mr Melman looks like the Master, face fungus and all, and has the right sort of evil attitude. He thinks nothing of whacking a naughty pupil hard if he catches them up to no good....... no milk of human kindness.
And for the cyberman who better than Mr Malcolm, a dead ringer for the role, or we could shove a wheelie bin over his head and cast him as a dalek!
Dr What-not would need a couple of intrepid female companions, so step forward Miss Livingboobs and Miss Teabags, and there you have it!
We could shove them all in the TARDIS, have a super duper time unsupervised and they would be back at the end of the school day all ready for Final Assembly after goodness knows how many adventures! And tired, so any whackings would be nice and gentle....
Bethany

In the School Grounds.

The school grounds were stunning. So spacious, and the air was beautifully clear, other than if one was down wind of Prof Robertson's pipe!

It was a glorious venue.

Bethany

Day One - School time

First of all, I'd like to point out that this blog about Boarding School is a joint effort between Michelle and myself. We have pooled notes and memories in order to protect the innocent!

Saturday morning, after a nice sleep in comfortable beds, we did our ablutions, changed into uniform, tidied the room and trooped downstairs for breakfast. Mr Malcolm greeted us by asking if we had been having tap dancing lessons in our room the night before. At our blank stares, he explained that it had been a tad noisy, what with the fart machine, us nipping up and down stairs, and then there were the other noisy "toys" he had discovered when the lights went out. He left us to eat our breakfast and do our chores with a curt order to see him in the Staff Room once we were finished. We did so. I retired to our common room to recover somewhat, but michelle's death wish was alive and well and she was foolish enough to cheek Eff-1 again. I watched her following him out of the school, and followed, curious to see why. Poor old michelle was sent to run around the lawn until ordered to stop! She managed quite a good power walking technique and went round about 7 or 8 times in all, and nearly managed to stop to chat to Prof Robertson before she was hauled back into the Staff Room. The usual noises issued forth and I nipped upstairs to get my PE kit for later.
We'd been told to fill in the sandwich list for lunch. There was lots of choice, and we were even able to request a second sandwich if we thought we were going to be very hungry. Sarah Robinson obviously thought that Professor Robertson needed some extra rations, especially as he's quite tall and sturdy, so she very kindly changed his "2" to "200". And do you know, he wasn't the least bit grateful! In fact he wrote it down as an offence in her punishment book! I'd made an addition to Mr Malcolm's choice, and added a request for a portion of hemlock as seasoning. He came across this later on in the day, and took umbrage. I couldn't sit comfortably for ages afterwards.
Seconds later the bell went, and I made it down to the common room just in time. We were all lined up ready to march across to the classroom block when tommy mac and michelle confessed that they didn't have their PE kit. We waited while they retrieved it, and had "Late" written in their punishment books, then marched off in a neat single file, me at the front behind Miss Liversausage, the others strung out behind me. As we approached the front door, I raised my water pistol grenade to shower Miss Livingstone. Unfortunately, unlike a proper water pistol, you can't tell which side the water is going to come out of too easily, and I only managed to squirt water to one side. Michelle was much more successful though, and thoroughly soaked Miss L's head. The downside for michelle was the fact that the glass entrance door acted like a mirror and Miss L knew exactly who was at fault!
We were taken all round the classroom block and shown the usual offices, fire escapes etc, then settled down to the first lesson, Military History with Professor Robertson. I was really excited cos I like history, and I kept firing off all these questions at him about what were we going to do, could we do this period or that period. After he told me to stop talking for the third time, I had to take my book to him for an entry re unnecessary talking, and I thought I had better desist.
We had a super lesson. The ultimate aim was to learn about the Evacuation from Dunkirk. Prof took us right back to the WW1, although he just skirted around that because he refuses to discuss the Great War as he considers it was simply murder, and we discussed social and economic conditions between the wars. It was fascinating. Michelle got caught passing sweets to tommy mac. Mr Malcolm spent some time in the room, and gave me and michelle an admonitory clip round the ear whenever he passed us just to warn us to be good. And I was being good! I always am if I'm interested in something! I think Prof was getting a bit peeved too, he seems to be a Beak who likes to control his own class.
At the end of the lesson several of us had to see Prof regarding our conduct. We got a stern lecture about behaviour and the consequences of interrupting his lesson which really struck home. He followed this up by saying he would come and find us and inflict our punishment when he was ready to do so. There was a dull thud as four tummies turned over and sank like stones! We went down to get our drinks at break feeling distinctly apprehensive.
In fact I think the trepidation must have got to Sarah cos she played truant during the next class! She got caught eventually of course,and had to face the wrath of both Miss Livingstone and Prof Robertson, which is quite a rich mixture!

The next lesson was PE, with Mr Malcolm. We started off with some stretches and bends, and followed those up with a hilarious set of games with a balloon. I think the balloon won. He then had me out at the front of the class demonstrating some dance moves. The fact that I have two left feet, no sense of rhythm, and difficulty in working out my right from my left in moments of stress incensed him somewhat. He tried writing L and R on the backs of my hands, but that upset any rhythm that I'd actually managed to find. In the end he sent me back into line, put some music on, and called out the moves as we did them. The others were moving quite nicely, especially tommy and michelle. I side stepped neatly to the curtains, and hid behind them for the remainder of the lesson. I wasn't missed. At least eff-one did ask at one point where is bethany? But I think he probably felt a bethany less class was all to the best. Then there were footsteps, and I heard Miss Livingstone's dulcet tones. As the line of dancers advanced upon my hiding place, I slipped out and tagged on the end. And I got away with it too!

And so to Lunch, dear readers. We will break here, and I will reveal all (or as much as I dare) of the activities in the afternoon.
bethany and michelle