July Schoolday.

Well, that was a fun day. We had co-ordinated a certain amount of mischief in the days before school began, and huddled together just before Assembly to fine tune the details! We had decided that Mr Melman was to be the target of the rhubarb project. We have nothing against the dear man, it was just that his subject lent itself to our needs! He's the Social and Economic History Beak, you see, and we get some very interesting lectures about famous, and infamous folk in history. The ploy was to wait and see which poor sod he had angled in on this time, then use their name as the cue for chanting "rhubarb". We were going to claim that we were victims of post hypnotic suggestion, but retribution landed far too swiftly for us to try and swing that one. The first problem came when Mr Melman, or Postman Pat as he is affectionately known amongst his little charges, revealed that he had left his notes at home, so was considering doing a General Knowledge quiz. By chance there was available a little project on William Corder, the Red Barn Murderer, so Postman Pat being a believer in democracy, decided he would put us to the vote as to whether we wanted history or General Knowledge. Tommy went round the boys, I nobbled the girls, and it was suggested that we all vote for History! We did.
The beauty of having the subject of the lecture as the cue word is that the lecturer has to keep repeating the name as the talk continues... even when he's twigged! It didn't take him long to twig either, and he had Mr Malcolm (aka eff-one) scurrying around the classroom collecting our punishment books, then writing "rhubarb" under the list of offences! Retribution was suitably painful, but the giggle factor was worth it!
There was quite a lively race meeting after lunch. Racing grannies and nuns bounded along the track, and several of the pupils were betting quite heavily. Yours truly was out of this bit of mischief. I'd upset eff-one a tad by dropping a pill into his orangeade which transformed into a snake (the pill not the orangeade). He took exception to this, and also decided that as I was handy, he would wipe off a few more offences from my list. They are amazing those lists, they are like Topsy from Uncle Tom's Cabin, they just grow! Anyway, I think he was slightly on the miffed side, he certainly laid on with a will anyway, and I retired to the step outside the back door to recover my composure for several minutes. The only advantage was that I was not hauled away by the Headmistress to be dealt with for gambling. An offence which is definitely against the school rules.
At the beginning of school I'd managed to secrete a grisly sounds machine in the cupboard behind the teacher. It went off several times before Mr Grimshaw (the Grim) tracked it down. There was another one going off at the same time, a ruder one, which gave mine some respite and a chance to moan again. Mr G expressed his displeasure in the usual way, and I do rather bemoan the fact that we are not issued with soft cushions for our rather hard school seats.
I was in a funny old mood overall cos I was so thrilled to be back after being off sick last time. I decided to see what would happen if I tried some blatant defiance. I said "shan't" to Postman Pat, and refused to let eff-one confiscate a tap prank, telling him "no, will not"...... The results were reprimands which curled my toes, and chastisements that I can still feel as I type. I did make my apologies, and I've ticked that off my things to try to do, and put them onto my list of things not to be attempted again because the consequences are too dire.
We had a rather interesting maths lesson with Miss Brookes (Miss Teabags....what else could we call her), doing tangrams. They are a lot trickier than they look. We also had some questions on triangles, and I was thrilled to five out of five right, cos that meant a house point (and they are as rare as hen's teeth most of the time!).
Archaeology involved a lesson on Stonehenge. I think most if not all of us were disappointed when it had to be cut short cos we were running out of time. Still we've got that to look forward to in September.
We didn't manage absolutely everything that we had planned, but then there is always next time and it's good to have some plans in reserve.
Lots of good harmless fun, plenty of nice naughtiness, and we have inculcated the new oiks into the ethos of the school, no sneaking, no letting someone else take the blame for your mischief and we all pull together against the beaks.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl