August School

We had such a super school yesterday. We were a tad thin on the ground owing to illness, holidays, and a clash with other events, but nonetheless the day buzzed from the word go!
I arrived quite early, and having changed into my uniform, we have lovely new school hats now btw, (and this term I wore my best grey gymslip as I wasn't wearing my school jumper, the weather being a little warm) I was sent into the Staffroom to sit at the table and do my Sats under the eagle eye of Mr Malcolm. And I must say it made a pleasant change to be sitting in the Staffroom rather than being bent over a bench in there! The Sats were quite challenging, especially as it's an extra two months for me since we did the work we were being tested on. I do know I inadvertently added several hundred thousands of years to the building of Stonehenge, by my reckoning it would have been Tyrannosaurus Rex and his mates who had a hand, or a claw, in it!!
Still it was finished in time for me to have a bit of fun before school started. I met the two new ticks, Jeff and Danny, and introduced them to pegging. We also had a new Beak, Mr Ray, who Jane promptly re-christened "Sugar", can't have a Beak at New Grange Manor who doesn't have a nickname! Being fresh meat he was the ideal subject for a demonstration of pegging. I strolled past, attached a bright pink clothes peg to the bottom of his jacket, and returned to the new pair to hand over a couple of pegs for them to have a go. The Grim spotted the peg and called me across to him and Sugar to give me a gentle reprimand (it was before school started) and to explain to Sugar the niceties of some of our mischief. He did also tell him that my word can be relied on, if I'm guilty I confess, if I deny the prank, they can be 100% certain I am innocent, so that was nice to hear. We rely a lot on personal honour at NGM, and we rather frown on folk who deliberately let others get into trouble for their misdeeds. It's just not cricket.
We got stuck into lessons immediately after Assembly. History with the Grim consisted of some bite size facts about the Houses of Plantagenet,Lancaster and Tudor, although we stopped at Henry 7th this term. Henry 8th will nearly merit a lesson all on his own, like the Grim said, a bloke with six mother-in-laws needs a bit of space!
Archaeology was a bit of a hoot when Miss Livingboobs started talking about a couple of Archaeologists who are called "Leakey" (sic), and once she mentioned they were "incontinent of Africa" Jane and I lost it completely and were doubled over our desks nearly crying with laughter. We were sent out of the class in disgrace and ended up being bent double over the bench in the Staff Room which tended to steady us somewhat!
We had loads of other lessons, English Literature (Roman House got full marks in the Dickens Quiz), a spelling test ( two precious house points for me and Nicola for a 100% score) Biology, a somewhat surreal lesson where we learnt about the origins of poop. Thankfully that was after Lunch which consisted, it being summer term, of a cold packed Lunch. Lots of scrummy filled rolls, crisps, fruit, jellies, tomatoes and all sorts of goodies. I got into a bit of trouble when a tomato accidentally fell on eff-one's head, he hauled me off to the Staffroom and expressed his displeasure in the usual way. I expressed my cheek in the usual way but only succeeded in getting an extra 3 hard whacks which made me jump about a bit so I desisted after that!
I'd provided a jar of piccalilli for the Staff table. But they were all wary of opening it, led by the Grim who once opened a jar of mustard I'd offered him, and nearly dropped it when the snake popped out! Even the new Beak, ol Sugar, had become increasingly wary as the day progressed, by the end he was shying like a skittish colt if a pupil passed within three feet of him! Anyway, Chris, an intrepid Roman opened it up in the end, and a snake made a satisfying entry into the world! We also had a salt cellar which shoots along the table at a rate of knots. I'd had another couple of pranks in the pipeline but sadly I'd left them at home. Never mind, there's always October school, or the weekend Boarder.
We did try making gunpowder after lunch. Tommy mac acquired a spoon, and after several abortive attempts I got a beaker and we mixed the saltpetre (cream of tartar), sulfur (custard powder) and carbon (cocoa) together to make a nice powder. Must have got the proportions wrong though cos it didn't go off. Maybe just as well, I got into enough trouble with little bangers, a big explosion might have resulted in some serious retribution!! Plus we don't do dangerous mischief anyway, that's not the NGM way.
So all in all a lively school, and I can't wait for the next one!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

SATs etc

Well another term is looming. An important one too as we have our SATs exams. Sadly I won't be amongst those present. My Guardian is taking me off to do some volunteer work with vulnerable adults, and unfortuntely the dates clash. Never mind, at least it gives the Beaks a bit of a rest. They might even pop down the road to the local pub to watch the footie seeing that all will be quiet on the classroom front.
Bethany

The Dog Show

We did it! We had a Dog Show, after Lunch!! I took six photos of dogs, and superimposed a Beak's face over each of their faces, and then we gave them all kennel names, just like at Crufts. So we had:-

Miss Livingstone - Old English Sheepdog - Athena Chuckles

Mr Melman - Cocker Spaniel - The Dark Marauder

Mr Malcolm - Poodle - Fluffy Hot Chix

Mr Holmes - Mastiff - Baskerville Hound

Prof Robertson - British Bulldog - Winnie the Pooh

Matron was a rather stunning Afghan Hound, kennel name Florence of Arabia, but as she was sadly absent she was scratched from the entries.

We had four classes, Dog with the Waggiest Tail, Dog with the Cutest Expression, Dog in Best Condition and Dog the Judge would like to take Home, with four rosettes per class, Best in Show and Reserve Best in Show.

The full Results were as follows:-

Dog with the Waggiest Tail

1. Mr Holmes

2. Mr Malcolm

3. Miss Livingstone

4. Mr Melman

Dog with the Cutest Expression

1. Miss Livingstone

2. Mr Holmes

3. Mr Melman

4. Mr Malcolm

Dog in Best Condition

1. Mr Melman

2. Miss Livingstone

3. Mr Holmes

4. Prof Robertson

Dog the Judge would like to take Home.

1. Mr Melman

2. Miss Livingstone

3. Prof Robertson

4. Mr Malcolm

Best in Show

Athena Chuckles - Miss Livingstone

Reserve Best in Show

The Dark Marauder - Mr Melman

So it was all good fun. The Beaks got a little rosette as a memento of their (unwitting) appearance in the Dog Show, the pupils were kept busy after lunch and out of mischief, and we all had a giggle. Nice naughtiness you see, that's the sort NGM prefers.

So now, dear readers, no doubt you will want to see the entrants? I'm uploading a photo, but for discretionary purposes, I have blanked out the original Beak's faces, but you should still get a flavour of what we did!

Bethany Grant

Head Girl

Four Days to Go!!

Only four days now. Isn't it exciting? We've got everything sorted and the plan looks like it will go ahead without any problems! It's going to be such fun! Watch this space, and discover our funny secret after school!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

All Through the Night!

Mr Malcolm suggested we do lines as he and Miss Livingstone wanted to go to bed (not together of course!) and they thought we didn't, although bed seemed tome a very good idea at that point. We had to write something like " ! will not drink alcohol, tell fibs, get out of my bed and hide other people's implements", memory is a bit hazy at this distance, but it was along those lines (no pun intended). We were taken into the Prep room and left at the table writing the lines. We were to leave them on the table when we'd finished. We pretty soon decided that we weren't going do then correctly, in fact the first two lines were okay but the rest we changed to read something totally different, an example of this is

'I will drink alcohol, get out of bed, tell fibs and hide other people's immigrants/ intention/ etc.”

We also but duff numbers by the side so that we got the numbers up to the 64 that they finally decided on, eg 19,20,21,37,38 etc and crossed our fingers they were not checked. We needn't have worried! I went up to the dorm at 2.45, michelle at 3.20 and tommy not long after that. We knew that the next morning we daren't make any complaint about being tired as would cause their wrath again!!!

Once again, my thanks to Michelle for her thoughts and memories.

At bedtime we kept playing up and we did not get to bed on time despite Eff-1 chasing us into our dorms! Eff-1 tried to take Michelle’s torch away as she kept switching it back on, so she got a smaller one out of the drawer to foil him with! Michelle went out onto the landing to see if it was clear, but Eff-1 was lurking out there. He asked Michelle what was she doing. She replied she was going to the toilet but that didn't wash with him and she was escorted to the staff room for a whacking.

About 20 minutes later Michelle , Sarah and I returned to the landing, trying to hear if the Beaks were upstairs yet. Eventually we heard Eff-1 go into his bedroom and so I operated the remote fart machine a few times. after a while we couldn't hear it so assumed he'd turned it off again.

So now it was time for the Midnight Feast! We had all brought various things for this. Tommy had brought cider, Shell brought lager and cider, and Sarah had some whiskey! Katherine had baked a chocolate cake. But she didn’t come down in the end as she was too tired. Shell held her torch up so we could see the steep stairs down.

Before we had the Feast we decided we would hide all the Beaks’ toys, and we did, thoroughly! We all ate and drank our fill, then sat round chatting about the Beaks and putting the world to rights! At around 2am we decided to go up to bed, so tidied some of the mess away but strategically left other things out so the Beaks would know a midnight feast had taken place. Nicola and Sarah went upstairs while we were finishing off then we followed them upstairs.

Tommy mac, michelle and I decided that we'd give Eff-1 a wake up call like last year, so on the way up I waited on the stairs and tommy played ghost music through a machine while Shell opened his door. We then legged it up the stairs, but as there was no reaction so we decided to do it again only this time, when his light went on we fled. Tommy and Michelle hid in the small passageway linking Eff-1 and the Prof’s room, while I hid under a bed in a spare room. His door opened. Michelle and Tommy were silent, his door closed the light went off but just as they decided to leg it his light came on again. A few minutes after his light was switched off so they decided to make a runner for our dorms. I went first, as my hiding place was closest to the dorm, then tommy and finally Shell. Unfortunately Eff1 was waiting behind his door and chased us up the stairs. He managed to grab hold of Michelle’s foot, so she had no choice but to go with him. Naturally Tommy and I couldn’t leave our chum to face the music alone, so we trooped down to the Staffroom in their wake.

We had that dreadful feeling that things were going to get a lot more interesting. How could we side track him cos once he seen that the implements were missing we were going to be dead meat? He demanded to know where the toys were but we refused to tell him as we had made a pact with the others that nobody would tell them of the location before at least school the next day.

Eff-1's face was a picture when he saw the state of staff room. He demanded to know where the toys were but we continually refused. We were lined up in the Staffroom with our hands on our heads. Eff-1 told us that we would remain there in that position for as long as it took. But eventually he gave up and ordered us to bend over with our hands on head and stay there until we talked. He decided to change tactics and we were ordered to bend over with our hands on the settee. He used his slipper, and continually changed from one person to the next. Although the strokes weren't hard we didn't tell him that just made appropriate 'ow' noises, so he thought they were. After he'd been round all three of us several times we heard a noise from the corridor. It was Miss Livingboobs. We exchanged appalled glances. She demanded to know what was going on. We were then given the third degree as to where the implements were but we all stuck fast informing her that we couldn't tell her as we had made a pact with the others. She had a quick search but they were too well hidden.

And what happened next, well dear reader, it didn’t get any better!!

To be continued….

Super Wheeze

We have got such a super wheeze planned for next term. The Beaks will be barking mad...!! There's a few of us involved in it, each concentrating on a certain aspect and it's coming together beautifully. All nice naughtiness, but well co-ordinated. Watch this space, although I obviously can't give any hints or details cos of the odd Beak or two who peruse these articles! But it's going to be such fun!!!!
Bethany