Thursday, 12 February 2009

Mundane Thoughts

I recently bought a video of "Madagascar". I'm not a fan of cartoons, but rumour had it that our Deputy Head has the same name as one of the stars of the film, so curiosity got the better of me. Interesting... the psychology I mean.... He didn't choose Mr Alex, the lion, the brave leader of the...... er.... gang rather than pack I think. Or Gloria, although I can maybe see his thinking re that particular character, or Marty the adventurous zebra, no he went for bumbling, cautious ol Melman, the one with the neck. As I say, interesting. It's made me think about the other names that our groan ups have chosen, or had thrust upon them.
Mr Armstrong is fairly obvious, the bloke does have strong arms, and a certain skill in placing a stroke.... No doubt all that cricket that he gets up to when not incarcerated in the Home for the Frail and Bewildered. You'll remember the place I think, the beaks were sent there when the NHS closed down their other Home. EPA., as he likes to be known ( Edward Peregrine perhaps... we really must investigate this ) found his niche in the basement once again, where he hangs upside down, from the rafters, like a bat.
Miss Brookes probably thought she was fairly safe. A short snappy name. But lateral thinking is de rigeur at NGM, and from Brooke we arrived at Brooke Bond, and from there it was a simple step to arrive at Miss Teabags.
Matron Godders, is easy, from Matron we get Matey, because School Matrons are supposed to be kind, motherly, the repository of our darkest fears........ it's a bit of a blow to find that ours has 20/20 vision and eyes in the back of her head. No getting any naughtiness past her!
Miss Livingstone, our erstwhile Headmistress. What a gift her name is. Such possibilities for even the least naughty of our schoolchildren.... Miss Liversausage (my favourite) Livingboobs (usually from the naughty boys) Pavingslabs...the list is endless.
And then comes Miss Molestrangler. Now that is a name to conjure with. I have a sneaking suspicion that anyone who chooses Molestrangler as a name should perhaps be treated with kid gloves...psychology again!
Mr Reaman, is he a real man. or a remnant ...being rather new, we haven't quite got our heads together over this one.......
Miss Trescothick..... another weird and wonderful name...a devil to spell, especially backwards, and almost impossible to pronounce when one is in the grip of great emotions, having perhaps, just been discovered causing inappropriate noises in class. The dear lady does have sharp hearing! But again, another wonderful name to play with, Miss Teacosy is my favourite, and as we have Miss Teabags, they do rather make a set!
So these are our (more or less) regular Beaks. (For the uninitiated, a Beak is a term of endearment for a Schoolmaster/Mistress. Eyebrows have risen when individual teachers have been referred to as Beaks, but then, it is so much more respectful, and kinder, than Muppet....
So that's the faculty at New Grange Manor, interesting bunch, and bane of the life of misunderstood pupils!

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