SATs etc

Well another term is looming. An important one too as we have our SATs exams. Sadly I won't be amongst those present. My Guardian is taking me off to do some volunteer work with vulnerable adults, and unfortuntely the dates clash. Never mind, at least it gives the Beaks a bit of a rest. They might even pop down the road to the local pub to watch the footie seeing that all will be quiet on the classroom front.
Bethany

The Dog Show

We did it! We had a Dog Show, after Lunch!! I took six photos of dogs, and superimposed a Beak's face over each of their faces, and then we gave them all kennel names, just like at Crufts. So we had:-

Miss Livingstone - Old English Sheepdog - Athena Chuckles

Mr Melman - Cocker Spaniel - The Dark Marauder

Mr Malcolm - Poodle - Fluffy Hot Chix

Mr Holmes - Mastiff - Baskerville Hound

Prof Robertson - British Bulldog - Winnie the Pooh

Matron was a rather stunning Afghan Hound, kennel name Florence of Arabia, but as she was sadly absent she was scratched from the entries.

We had four classes, Dog with the Waggiest Tail, Dog with the Cutest Expression, Dog in Best Condition and Dog the Judge would like to take Home, with four rosettes per class, Best in Show and Reserve Best in Show.

The full Results were as follows:-

Dog with the Waggiest Tail

1. Mr Holmes

2. Mr Malcolm

3. Miss Livingstone

4. Mr Melman

Dog with the Cutest Expression

1. Miss Livingstone

2. Mr Holmes

3. Mr Melman

4. Mr Malcolm

Dog in Best Condition

1. Mr Melman

2. Miss Livingstone

3. Mr Holmes

4. Prof Robertson

Dog the Judge would like to take Home.

1. Mr Melman

2. Miss Livingstone

3. Prof Robertson

4. Mr Malcolm

Best in Show

Athena Chuckles - Miss Livingstone

Reserve Best in Show

The Dark Marauder - Mr Melman

So it was all good fun. The Beaks got a little rosette as a memento of their (unwitting) appearance in the Dog Show, the pupils were kept busy after lunch and out of mischief, and we all had a giggle. Nice naughtiness you see, that's the sort NGM prefers.

So now, dear readers, no doubt you will want to see the entrants? I'm uploading a photo, but for discretionary purposes, I have blanked out the original Beak's faces, but you should still get a flavour of what we did!

Bethany Grant

Head Girl

Four Days to Go!!

Only four days now. Isn't it exciting? We've got everything sorted and the plan looks like it will go ahead without any problems! It's going to be such fun! Watch this space, and discover our funny secret after school!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

All Through the Night!

Mr Malcolm suggested we do lines as he and Miss Livingstone wanted to go to bed (not together of course!) and they thought we didn't, although bed seemed tome a very good idea at that point. We had to write something like " ! will not drink alcohol, tell fibs, get out of my bed and hide other people's implements", memory is a bit hazy at this distance, but it was along those lines (no pun intended). We were taken into the Prep room and left at the table writing the lines. We were to leave them on the table when we'd finished. We pretty soon decided that we weren't going do then correctly, in fact the first two lines were okay but the rest we changed to read something totally different, an example of this is

'I will drink alcohol, get out of bed, tell fibs and hide other people's immigrants/ intention/ etc.”

We also but duff numbers by the side so that we got the numbers up to the 64 that they finally decided on, eg 19,20,21,37,38 etc and crossed our fingers they were not checked. We needn't have worried! I went up to the dorm at 2.45, michelle at 3.20 and tommy not long after that. We knew that the next morning we daren't make any complaint about being tired as would cause their wrath again!!!

Once again, my thanks to Michelle for her thoughts and memories.

At bedtime we kept playing up and we did not get to bed on time despite Eff-1 chasing us into our dorms! Eff-1 tried to take Michelle’s torch away as she kept switching it back on, so she got a smaller one out of the drawer to foil him with! Michelle went out onto the landing to see if it was clear, but Eff-1 was lurking out there. He asked Michelle what was she doing. She replied she was going to the toilet but that didn't wash with him and she was escorted to the staff room for a whacking.

About 20 minutes later Michelle , Sarah and I returned to the landing, trying to hear if the Beaks were upstairs yet. Eventually we heard Eff-1 go into his bedroom and so I operated the remote fart machine a few times. after a while we couldn't hear it so assumed he'd turned it off again.

So now it was time for the Midnight Feast! We had all brought various things for this. Tommy had brought cider, Shell brought lager and cider, and Sarah had some whiskey! Katherine had baked a chocolate cake. But she didn’t come down in the end as she was too tired. Shell held her torch up so we could see the steep stairs down.

Before we had the Feast we decided we would hide all the Beaks’ toys, and we did, thoroughly! We all ate and drank our fill, then sat round chatting about the Beaks and putting the world to rights! At around 2am we decided to go up to bed, so tidied some of the mess away but strategically left other things out so the Beaks would know a midnight feast had taken place. Nicola and Sarah went upstairs while we were finishing off then we followed them upstairs.

Tommy mac, michelle and I decided that we'd give Eff-1 a wake up call like last year, so on the way up I waited on the stairs and tommy played ghost music through a machine while Shell opened his door. We then legged it up the stairs, but as there was no reaction so we decided to do it again only this time, when his light went on we fled. Tommy and Michelle hid in the small passageway linking Eff-1 and the Prof’s room, while I hid under a bed in a spare room. His door opened. Michelle and Tommy were silent, his door closed the light went off but just as they decided to leg it his light came on again. A few minutes after his light was switched off so they decided to make a runner for our dorms. I went first, as my hiding place was closest to the dorm, then tommy and finally Shell. Unfortunately Eff1 was waiting behind his door and chased us up the stairs. He managed to grab hold of Michelle’s foot, so she had no choice but to go with him. Naturally Tommy and I couldn’t leave our chum to face the music alone, so we trooped down to the Staffroom in their wake.

We had that dreadful feeling that things were going to get a lot more interesting. How could we side track him cos once he seen that the implements were missing we were going to be dead meat? He demanded to know where the toys were but we refused to tell him as we had made a pact with the others that nobody would tell them of the location before at least school the next day.

Eff-1's face was a picture when he saw the state of staff room. He demanded to know where the toys were but we continually refused. We were lined up in the Staffroom with our hands on our heads. Eff-1 told us that we would remain there in that position for as long as it took. But eventually he gave up and ordered us to bend over with our hands on head and stay there until we talked. He decided to change tactics and we were ordered to bend over with our hands on the settee. He used his slipper, and continually changed from one person to the next. Although the strokes weren't hard we didn't tell him that just made appropriate 'ow' noises, so he thought they were. After he'd been round all three of us several times we heard a noise from the corridor. It was Miss Livingboobs. We exchanged appalled glances. She demanded to know what was going on. We were then given the third degree as to where the implements were but we all stuck fast informing her that we couldn't tell her as we had made a pact with the others. She had a quick search but they were too well hidden.

And what happened next, well dear reader, it didn’t get any better!!

To be continued….

Super Wheeze

We have got such a super wheeze planned for next term. The Beaks will be barking mad...!! There's a few of us involved in it, each concentrating on a certain aspect and it's coming together beautifully. All nice naughtiness, but well co-ordinated. Watch this space, although I obviously can't give any hints or details cos of the odd Beak or two who peruse these articles! But it's going to be such fun!!!!
Bethany

More boarding School Fun!

　

After lunch, Michelle and Tommy mac played footie and for a short period Eff-1 joined in. Then they came inside for a bit. Up in the dormitory, Michelle and Sarah helped me to blow up our inflatables, one man, one woman and one crocodile. We stuffed the man and woman under the bed in a spare bedroom and parked the crocodile in the wardrobe for use later on. Michelle went in Kaz’s and Eff-1's room hiding items.

The next lesson was Cookery with Miss Livingboobs. We made scones. We enjoyed the lesson and were generally well behaved. Nicola's struggled badly with cooking though, and ended up with something more akin to stepping stones than scones! We all helped clean up.

During Astrology Mr Reamon (A4) was very observant and missed nothing that was going on. When he caught me eating sweets he asked if I was hungry! Then he realised that Michelle was the “distribution centre” for the goodies, and wrote in her book! Don’t think he ever followed through with retribution though!!

Military History with Prof Robertson came next, we were doing the Dunkirk Evacuation and it was absolutely fascinating. Michelle got a bit bored, she’s not such a history fanatic as me, but she sat quietly completing a mosaic doodle until Eff-1 swooped and removed her pencil.

I was, in my opinion, unfairly punished for lateness by Mr Malcolm so I trashed his room and threw his slippers into Prof Robertson’s room. Unfortunately I had to confess what I’d done to

Prof R, in order to reclaim F-1’s slippers for him, so I ended up being punished by both F-1 and the Prof.

Prep followed. We were set an Essay which had the title “The Vanishing Headmistress“. Eff-1 decided to supervise, and Prof was sitting on the settee in the prep room too, so we worked away diligently. We were told we could complete it either after tea, during freetime etc as long as it was ready by Sunday pm. We returned to the table after supper as Eff-1 had told us that we had to, as some pupils hadn’t even managed a page yet. We chatted amongst ourselves, which tended to wind Eff-one up and we were taken off to the Staffroom at various times to have the need for quietness impressed upon us. Eff-one nagged Tommy to start so he did a drawing to illustrate the story! Miss Liversausage showed Michelle’s effort to Eff-1 as it had a reference to F1 being in Liversausage's headmistress’ cloak practising his aerobic dance moves! Miss L was a tad upset cos my vanished headmistress was turned into a chicken prior to a chicken barbecue!

Michelle went into F1's room to turn the farting machine back on, and left a spider in his bed in case she was caught in his room. She came upstairs and helped us to re-inflate the female doll and the crocodile. Tommy and Michelle operated on the male doll once they found the source of the leak, and Tommy and Beth found the leak on the crocodile by immersing it in the bath and repaired it with some tape that Tommy provided. When we checked on the inflatables later the female doll hadn't made it through the op, however we did use it on Mr Reamon cos we knew he wouldn't be

bothered.!!

F1 shouted for both Michelle and me, and we found him outside his room. He asked if we'd been in there, I was able to truthfully say no, but as we don't lie if asked a direct question Michelle admitted she'd been in there so she was sent down to the staffroom for a caning. Michelle had also been in Miss L's room to place a couple of noisy toys in there and hide a trainer and other personal items of hers. Eff-1 found the male inflatable in his bed and asked me and Michelle if it had something to do with us. We admitted it, then we were told to get rid of it! F1 informed us that he had locked his door and when we tried it, it appeared it had. However after a bit of fiddling with it, Michelle managed to unlock it so the fun could continue!!

We replaced the inflatable man in f-1’s bed, a large inflatable willy went behind Miss L’s curtains, and Prof drew the crocodile. He’d told us of a saying of Churchill’s, about appeasement, something about not feeding crocodiles in the hope that you will be the last to be eaten, so we wrote out the quote and left it with the crocodile!

By then it was Light Out, so we all duly trotted off to bed.