Bethers of New Grange Manor School

An NGM Christmas Parody

2011-12-18T05:09:00.000-08:00

On the first day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
A paper on archaeology;
On the second day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me
Two exploding pens;
On the third day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Three shepherds pies;
On the fourth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Four whippy canes;
On the fifth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Five unctuous Beaks;
On the sixth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Six straps a cracking:
On the seventh day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me:
Seven sorts of jelly:
On the eighth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Eight spoons a-flicking;
On the ninth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me
Nine Beaks a whipping:
On the tenth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Ten puppets prancing;
On the eleventh day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Eleven fairies dancing;
On the twelfth day of Christmas Miss Livingstone gave to me,
Twelve pupils singing.
　
　

Night of the Cane

2011-11-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

We had a small contingent of New Grange Manor pupils at NOTC last Saturday. Myself, Tommy Mac, Chris and Andrew all turned up together with Miss Livingstone and Mr Holmes. Tommy, and the boys and me had to go to the school lessons. We had a rather interesting lesson with a Miss Barclay-Stevens on creative writing. Well, Tommy appeared half way through the lesson on account of Miss L had got caught up in traffic. During a break we managed to souse a Headmaster of our acquaintance, ol Jonesy, with our water pistols. He chased me into the classroom but all I got were three light taps off a borrowed cane, there just wasn't the room for a decent swing, so I reckon I got off lightly!
The next lesson we attended was taken by Miss Prim from Muir Academy. The Muir is going to be 25 years old next year.....quite an achievement. I thought that maybe Miss Prim had forgotten me, so when she asked if anybody present didn't know who she was, I stuck my hand up! Unfortunately she remembered me only too well and I got a swingeing whack across the hand off her small tawse for my cheek! We did a Shakespeare test during that lesson. Modesty almost decrees that I shouldn't say who got the top mark, but pride in NGM insists that I point out that I achieved eleven and a half marks out of twelve!! Mr Holmes had given us a rather interesting lesson on Shakespeare a few terms ago, and contrary to popular opinion amongst the Beaks, I do listen in class!
Tommy and I didn't particularly want to watch the caning competition, so after attaching a couple of pegs to Miss Prim's coat, we sat upstairs chatting and putting the world to rights. The competition was duly run, and the cup awarded to the winners, and I prepared to pack my stuff into my satchel as my Guardian wanted to get me home. Miss Prim in the meantime had spotted the pegs, and do you know, dear readers, despite their being zillions of pupils there, (well a couple of dozen or so), she simply bawled out "Bethany Grant!" and sent a lad to fetch me to her! Anyone would think I had a reputation for mischief. Retribution was swift, and suitably er....suited to the crime! But all in all a good evening, although I understand that Mr Jones is still gunning for me. But hey ho chums, it gives a bit of challenge to life don't you think?
Bethany Grant

Night-time Frolics.

2011-09-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

One of the most exciting parts of boarding school are the Midnight Feasts, and after Lights Out mischief that we get up to.
On the first night we were all really tired. We had a small confab, and decided that we would go to bed and go to sleep for the first night, to recharge our batteries. In actual fact, Chris crept downstairs after Lights Out and left about four plastic cups, with a trace of alcohol and a number of sweet wrappers on the common room floor. The rest of us slept on, wrapped in innocent slumbers! I gather that Miss Livingstone did try and keep awake, listening for us, but to no avail. On Saturday morning we were asked about the "Midnight Feast" but of course we all looked blank, and genuinely asserted our innocence!
Saturday night was different. We gave the Beaks plenty of time to get to sleep and duly crept down the stairs. We had to get down the first set of stairs from the pupils' floor to the Beaks' floor, then creep down the main staircase to the ground floor. We decided to have our Feast in the Staff Room. Although it was out of bounds, it was much more comfortable than the pupils' common room, and we were being so naughty anyway we thought we might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. We had lots of scrummy nosh, pork pies, biscuits, crisps, sweets, and nice things to drink, I had wine with lemonade, and there was beer and cider. We were chatting away, putting the world to rights when the door suddenly opened and Mr Melman appeared. It gave us a bit of a fright, I can tell you. We tried to incriminate him by offering to share the food and drink with him, but he was having none of it. He told us to pack everything up, then put us over the bench for six strokes of the strap before sending us back to bed. All in all it was worth it........
The following night we thought we might be safer. Mr Melman had had to depart to real life earlier that evening, and once Mr Malcolm was asleep nothing would waken him.
We still had a fair bit of food left over from the previous night's feast, plus more alcohol, so we got stuck in. There were fewer of us, as some of the pupils were just too tired and had stayed in bed asleep. We were a bit tired too, so we decided that we would try and get back to bed by 1am so as to get a few hours unbroken sleep. We had decided we would try the ultimate in naughtiness, and throw noise makers into Miss Livingstone's room and outside Mr Malcolm's room on the way back up to our beds. However, the best laid plans of mice and men..........
We were just about to pack up when the door opened and Miss Livingstone stood there, warmly clad in a dressing gown, and clutching a cane. There wasn't really an awful lot we could say, except ouch when we were over the bench getting six...... Michelle, Sarah and I arrived on the first floor first, Tommy was explaining cider to Miss Livingstone downstairs at the time. We decided to hide in Mr Melman's (empty) room and chuck noisemakers in the beaks' rooms. Unfortunately Miss L came bounding up the stairs. Michelle was caught on the landing, I was just coming out of Miss L's room and Sarah had dived into the bathroom. Sarah tried to tell Miss L that she had had an urgent need for the loo, but unfortunately that bathroom didn't contain a toilet, that was in a separate stall next door! So that was another six and an order to get to bed.
We trotted upstairs, and hung about for another ten minutes or so. Tommy was up and ready, Michelle had just popped to the loo and Sarah was still in the dorm when I crept along the top corridor. I'd suggested that we went down both sets of stairs, so that at least one of us would make it to the Beaks' floor. I opted to go down the far stairs and clutching a noisemaker in my hands I scuttled along the corridor to the top of the stairs. You can imagine my horror, dear readers, to find Miss Livingstone standing on the bend of the stairs, with a face like a gorgon. I legged it back down the corridor to my dorm yelling "Cave, Beaks" but Miss L followed me relentlessly. I had to go over the end of the bed, and received a further six which entailed me having to lie on my tummy for about five minutes before I could roll over and go to sleep! We did get the noisemakers into the lobby by Mr Malcolm's room, but he didn't appear, thankfully, and we had to wait until after breakfast before we received retribution for that! Midnight Feasts are such fun!
Bethany

The Fun we had

2011-09-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

We arrived at the venue and helped to take in all the bits and pieces then went up to our dorms to get changed. Michelle and I were allowed to wear our summer dresses for the evening, the bottle green gingham ones with the little white collar. That was much more comfortable than shirt and ties. I was awfully excited about being there and I got a bit over excited and answered Mr Malcolm back so I think I was first in the Staff room when it came to being sent there for a whacking. He was very kind though, I got a dozen with the strap rather than any off that ghastly smoked dragon of his!
Dinner was a bit late cos Mr Tesco hadn't delivered everything that Miss Livingstone had ordered, including the ingredients for Friday's menu! So she and Mr Reamon had to go foraging.
Bethany

Michelle's Door Posters

2011-09-19T16:45:00.000-07:00

Michelle decided to brighten up the school premises by attaching various posters to doors around the place. In the interests of modesty, Miss Liversausage's picture now sports a large sunflower to cover her embarrassment. As for the picture of Mr Malcolm, Michelle's assertion, "Mr Malcolm, World's Weakest Teacher" does have a touch of irony about it. Mr Malcolm is indeed a practised wielder of implements, (and I think a lot of the practice was performed on my nether regions) and one of the fiercest teachers I know! I only have to glimpse him removing his smoked dragon from the implement bag and I find myself pleading for leniency. He's a tad deaf too.....!

Bethany Grant

Door Posters

2011-09-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

Michelle decided to brighten up the school premises with various door posters. I thought I would share a couple of them with you all. In the interests of modesty, Miss Liversausage now sports a large sunflower, and I really must point out that "Mr Malcolm, World's Weakest Teacher" is definitely the biggest understatement ever. The man is practised with both rattan and leather. In fact I think he did most of his practising on my nether regions........ He certainly kept me in line, one glimpse of that smoked dragon and I was actually pleading for leniency. Not that that cut any ice, he is one of the fiercest teachers I know!

Boarding School

2011-09-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

Boarding school was excellent! The weekends just get better and better as we smooth off the corners. Just now I'm a tad tired, and my eye and ankle hurt. I got an infection in my eye, and something nasty has bitten my ankle and made it swell a bit, so I shall have a good night's sleep and let you unfortunate souls who missed the weekend into some of the secrets of our success! It's a bit like the chappies on St Crispin's Day, there were eight of us pupils, five teachers and two catering staff who didn't lie abed but went forth to do battle!
Bethany Grant

It's tomorrow!

2011-09-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

We are off to boarding school tomorrow. Just a few more hours then I can revert to thirteen and three quarters! Everything is packed away, including the board games for quiet time in the evening. And some other bits and pieces which I won't mention now cos the odd Beak (and our Beaks are odd, believe me) casts an eye over these ramblings to try and discover what mischief we' re planning, and to try and stay one step ahead of us........ fat chance!
Watch this space, the adventures will be related next week!!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

Getting Closer!

2011-09-13T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's getting closer. Only another two days and we will be off to Boarding School, how exciting is that? My Guardian has washed and pressed my uniform and most of it is now in my suitcase, my jumper is still drying, so all I need now is my underwear, pj's and washing kit and I'm ready!
My Guardian has packed several games in my case too, so we can have some fun in the evenings. Nothing too energetic of course, cos we'll be tired after all the schoolwork during the day!
Bethany

Fun to Come

2011-08-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

It will soon be boarding school time again. How very exciting. We are just a small gathering, a group of motley adults who come together for three or four days and meld into 1950's schoolchildren and their hard pressed teachers! I believe there were a couple of vacancies this time for pupils. The recession has hit hard and folk are pressed for money and time of course. I had to save my pocket money up for months so that I could afford to come. One chap turned the offer down, I understand, because he had spent his formative years in boarding school and didn't particularly want to go back there again. He can be assured that our take on boarding is nothing like the real thing! Of course we have lessons, wear uniform for the whole weekend, sleep in dormitories and eat in the refectory but the food is scrummy courtesy of two excellent cooks. And the fun we have outwitting the Beaks has to be experienced to be believed!

So at the moment I am getting my uniform ready, all washed and nicely pressed, sorting out stuff from my satchel that I don't need, and stocking it up with things I do need!

I can hardly wait!

Bethany Grant

Head Girl

The Field Trip

2011-08-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

Mr Malcolm very kindly organised a field trip to Kingley Vale so that we could look at the really ancient trees. In the event, there was him and Miss Livingstone and four of us pupils. We met and set off in convoy. Me and Tommy mac had to go in Miss Livingstone's car cos she said she wanted to keep an eye on us. She didn't need to worry too much about me cos I had already given Mr Malcolm my word that I wouldn't do anything to let the school down in public. Of course that still gave me plenty of scope to cheek him when there were no non-school people around, so I did. (And I paid for it last term!!)
First of all we had to walk down this long path. It was a whole kilometre long but reasonably flat so we made good progress along there. Just inside the start of the walk was a hut. But not just any old hut. It had the history of Kingley Vale from ancient times right up to the present in words and pictures around its walls. There was a picture of Vikings and Romans fighting, not Tommy Mac and Chris Pike, but the original ones, they looked awfully fierce.
We pottered off along the forest path. You should have seen the yew trees. They were absolutely amazing. They were really high, and so thick, the trunks wee massive. Some of them were reputed to be 2,000 years old, which meant they were saplings when jesus was doing his Ministry. A lot of them were hollow inside, they had been attacked by a fungus called chicken of the wood, but the outside bark still lives and nourishes the tree. Some of the branches had bowed down to the ground in places, and put out their own roots making new trees. In one clearing we saw this tree which was just a stump with roots sticking out either side, and it looked like a giant crab. I could just imagine it at twilight, or when the mist was lying on the ground, it would look like a giant creature looming out of the forest.
Mr Malcolm had made out questionnaires and brought along a hand-out. We stopped at all the posts on our walk (all 25 of them) and read about the surrounding area. We picked lots of leaves from the various trees, oak, yew, all sorts of species. We even found some flints on the ground.
Miss Livingstone decided that we should eat our lunch before we tackled the hill up to the tumuli. She and Mr Malcolm hogged the bench out in the valley,and the four of us settled down on fallen tree trunks just inside the wood. It was fun eating our packed lunches in the open air. Miss Livingstone came across to make sure that we were all right and to have a cherry stone spitting competition with Tommy mac. So in years to come, there might even be cherry trees in the forest! Unfortunately Miss Livinstone spotted the cider which Tommy was polishing off, and smelt the cigar which Chris had been smoking, so they got into trouble last term too!
The path up the hill was hard. It was steep, it was stony, and there was a massive drop to one side. And there were no loos on the site at all. There were however lots of bushes. Our beloved headmistress disappeared at one point, clutching the toilet roll (Andrex I believe, keeping it in the family) which she had thoughtfully remembered to bring. She returned to us after a suitable period looking distinctly flustered. The toilet roll had made a dash for it down the hill, and it was only some very slick footwork on Miss L's part which prevented it from disappearing completely!
We carried on to the top of the hill, taking increasingly more frequent stops for rest. The views were spectacular. We could see the sea. And away across Portsmouth we even saw the dark shape of the Isle of Wight crouching on the horizon.
We trundled on and eventually we reached the barrows, the tumuli on the top of the hill. Miss Livingstone explained that the larger one was a bell barrow. Mr Malcolm then annoyed her by walking onto the top of one of the barrows! Miss Livingstone reckoned they should be fenced off to avoid any more damage to them. She pointed out this pond barrow which was close to the other barrows, it was a sort of circular hollow in the ground. We discussed whether or not there might still be people, or the remains of them, inside the barrows.
From there, thankfully it was downhill all the way. It was a lot easier but we still had a fair old way to go. Eventually we came upon the path back to the car park. I don't know how the others felt, but I simply plodded along there, one foot in front of the other, and prayed for a sight of the cars! Nonetheless I was chuffed I had made it all the way round, even though it took us five hours for a walk that was advertised as 1.5 hours duration! I'd had to be rescued at Stonehenge!
We went back to Mr Malcolm's home for a very welcome cup of tea and chatted for a while. Two of the pupils had to go back home, but Miss Livingstone said Tommy Mac and me could come with her and Mr Malcolm for dinner if we promised to be good. Well of course, with the lure of food of course we were going to be good!
First of all Mr Malcolm took us to this lovely pub. it was right by the sea, and looked amazing. However, once we looked at the menu, we decided we would have to go elsewhere. I know my Guardian would have had lots to say if I'd paid the prices they were asking. It would have tied up my pocket money for the next six weeks!
Instead we went to a Carvery where we had a scrummy meal, and even scrummier desserts. After that we had to say goodbye to Mr Malcolm and make our way back to the rendezvous where our guardian's cars were waiting to take us back to our individual homes.
It really was a super day, and I hope we can have some other school field trips in the future.
bethany Grant

A new story

2011-05-10T03:01:00.000-07:00

upper hand and defeat the batty one?

February School

2011-02-13T03:05:00.000-08:00

That was a very lively school! The line up of Beaks included Miss Livingstone, Miss Brookes, Mr Grimshaw, Mr Malcolm and Mr Ray, while Mr Curmudgeon lingered in the background watching the kids with his curmudgeonly eye. There were around sixteen of us in class as we welcomed several new pupils, andrew, jennifer, richard and john (apologies if I've missed anyone out), and some old friends returned including adam, nicola, patricia and susie. At morning assembly katharine hedge was made House Captain of Celts, a good choice as she led Celts to a resounding victory in the House Cup last school year. We all applauded her.
The day had already got off to a lively start. Readers may be aware that our Beaks (teachers) are parked in the Home for the Befuddled and Totally Confused between terms where they undergo such things as bed pan training, how to do knots (although getting knotted is a speciality of Mr Melman's to be fair; he wasn't at NGM this term as he was tied up elsewhere), short term memory training and the like. Well, knowing this, when I saw Mr Grimshaw (aka The Grim) sporting a name tag with "Mr Grimshaw" written on it, I thought it only solicitous to ask him if he had it on in case he forgot his name? As Head Girl I do like to be aware of the special needs of the Staff as well as the pupils. His reply, would you believe, was to ask me for my punishment book and put in an entry for "cheek"! There's just no pleasing some folk. And I must admit the Grim was in good form, obviously he had been eating his Weetabix, I think daisy would concur with me on that one!
We actually started the lessons with Mr Grim, bitesize history, and this time we made it right through to Elizabeth the 2nd. nicola did the writing on the board for Mr Grimshaw, and got a well earned hp for herself for being helpful. I'd hoped to start the leson with a bang, but the new detonators I'd bought turned out to be defective. it took me until the last lesson before I managed a satisfactory bang, although that didn't stop me being punished along the way for all the abortive attempts!
In Biology we consolidated all that we'd learnt in the past couple of lessons by doing a test on bones and organs. I was quite chuffed with my results, despite muddling up the carpals and metacarpals, ditto the tarsals and metatarsals, and together with katharine taylor earned a couple of precious hps for my efforts. We got the same mark, despite being several desks apart!! tommy mac and I helped to give out the tests and gather them in and we were awarded hps for being helpful which was rather nice.
Maths was rather fun. We learned all about co-ordinates by drawing a "Treasure Island" , filling in things like the pirates' encampment, a village, forest, volcano, rivers, anything really we could think of which seemed pertinent, then providing questions and answers as to their co-ordinates on the map. It drove the lesson home much more efficiently than just using dry numbers.
Lunch was rather scrummy. I dropped some foam expandables into the beaks' drinking cups, but yet again, I'd bought defective stuff and they didn't expand. A couple got a bit soggy and I dropped those onto Mr Malcolm's head so that was a result. Only problem was I was unable to sit comfortably for the next few minutes and eat my pudding.
We've got several people off long term sick at the moment, so in Art we made Get Well cards for them. We divided into our Houses and each House was given their own "invalid" . Romans made cards for Michelle, as she's a Roman, Vikings made one for Prof Robertson, Celts did Matron's, and Saxons made one for John Smith, one of their number. We do wish that they all get well soon. We produced some excellent cards between us, and Miss Livingstone intends to post them out as a surprise to cheer them all up.
The final lesson was something of a mystery. Mr Ray lectured us on truth, with disjunctive conjunctions, "p"'s and "q"s, up and down arrows, tills (?) T/F, "and and or" and I should imagine at this point you are as baffled as I was. Being bored, I resorted to my usual cure for this, and caused some disruption. Mr Malcolm actually hauled me out of class rather than writing in my book, and gave me a thrashing which kept me very quiet for the remainder of the lesson. Especially when I asked why he hadn't signed anything off in my book and he said that was an "extra". I still had several offences to be dealt with, and Mr Ray and the Grim dealt with them in their usual salutary manner!
Final Assembly was enjoyable as we discovered how many hps we had all earned during the day. I was pleased I had worked hard and done my revision, and my homework, it brought dividends! That's the nice thing about New Grange Manor, you get credited for working hard and being good even if the Beaks are very strict with wrong doing! So a lovely day all round, and thanks also to chris, danny, geoff, stuart and if I've missed anyone out...sorry!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

2011

2010-12-31T09:38:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to one and all.
Bethany

Christmas

2010-12-22T12:36:00.000-08:00

Oooh isn't it exciting. Only a couple of days to go! So far I have been told I will be getting a sack of coke and a switching off Santa Claus, but I don't think I have been that naughty! Groan ups don't half tease sometimes don't they? My other Headmaster said I wasn't to use tnt to make the bangs in our crackers. Isn't it awful when your reputation is maligned? Everyone knows I am quiet and misunderstood.

Bethany

Haikus

2010-12-14T14:46:00.000-08:00

Well I seem to have ruffled a few feathers with my haiku. (Do toads have feathers.....maybe not). So chums, over to you.....Working on a standard of 5 syllables for the first line, 7 for the next and 5 for the third row, how about a few haikus about the Beaks, the lessons or anything that takes your fancy.....not too rude, not nasty, just a bit of fun?
Bethany

After the Magic Spell Making Class - A haiku

2010-12-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

He used to enjoy

Whacking pupils - our batty

Toad of a teacher.

Christmas Term

2010-12-05T02:20:00.000-08:00

This term was rather good, even though our numbers were somewhat depleted by weather and snow related injuries.

We started off Morning Assembly with a uniform inspection by Mr Andrew who made disparaging remarks just because my blazer is a tad long in the sleeves....well, my Guardian always gets my school uniform slightly large so that I can grow into it, hasn't he seen the Tesco clothes voucher ads? The rest of me was neat and tidy though! Anyway Andrew R got the hp for being tidiest (hmm another Andrew...nepotism?) and he did look smart I must admit. Although I did manage to duff him up later.....

We had a short break before first lesson started, and I had to see Mr Malcolm in the Staffroom re a bit of cheekiness which he had upgraded to Impertinence (they never down grade do they!)

The time table had had to be revised because poor ol Mr Grimshaw couldn't get his huskies kick started and so was stranded in whatever bit of the country he hails from unable to come. That was a shame because we were all looking forward to his English Heritage Lesson. Instead we got ol Anthrax, who proceeded to baffle us with one of his English as a Foreign Language lessons. Well, it was certainly all foreign to most of us. We had to fiddle about with a sentence concerning us just waking up on a ship which was about to strike a mine. It was certainly a minefield for us! He introduced us to such mysteries as the preterite, the pluperfect, the present continuous active, ditto passive and other sundry snippets of information. Michelle and I sought to enliven the lesson by donning alice bands complete with purple velvet bats...... as Mr Andrew is reputed to spend his spare time hanging upside down from the rafters, in the basement, like a bat, we thought he might have some empathy with them. Nothing doing of course, the man is a cold fish, we got an entry in our books for wearing the wrong colour headband in class, cos Mr Ray, who was Classroom Assistant said purple wasn't a school colour, and when I turned and had a discussion with Daisy and Sarah about purple being a school colour for Hawthorne's School, (and the rule doesn't specify which school) that didn't help either, ol anthrax hauled me off to the Staffroom at the end of the lesson and laid in with his usual enthusiastic manner. In my agitation I forgot to say thank you, and was rapidly reminded with a second dose of a cane that stingeth like a serpent!!

The next lesson was Social History with Mr Melman, variously known as Postman Pat, or Dr Death (on account he has this thing about murderers and executions). Jane being sadly absent (we all send our best wishes for a speedy recovery Jane) Postie handed me a pile of A4 papers and told me to hand them out. I inadvertently ruined the start of his lesson by announcing brightly, oh it's Albert Pierrepoint, which apparently was going to be his first question. I then ruined any chance of earning a hp for being helpful by offering a copy of the picture to everyone, including the off duty Beaks and the caretaker....well Mr Melman had said give one to everybody....you just can't please some people! We had a lively discussion about hanging, hung and hanged, and Mr Pierrepoint's prolific career (437 victims or thereabouts), and then it was break.

Art with Mr Malcolm was super fun. He brought along these modelling balloons and we all tried to make animals, or something recognisable, but not rude, from them. It was quite a revelation to know what those balloon thingies we have seen in our Guardian's bathrooms are actually used

for....Melman very kindly confirmed this.

It was jolly difficult to make anything too. You would have just twisted a tail and two legs for the back end and be starting with the front end when the back would untwist, usually with quite a rude noise, and you would be left with a long tube again! Daisy managed a lovely swan, and Benji made a Dr Who type head band, I ended up with a survivor from a ship wreck wearing a life jacket and sitting in an inflatable raft..... I must have been influenced by ol anthrax's lesson.....being struck by a mine!

Mr Melman filled in a missing lesson (due to Mr Grimshaw's absence) by giving us a General Knowledge Quiz. Saxons were a tad thin on the ground, so ol Anthrax stood in for Jane Kershaw (although she is decidedly the prettier of the pair) and the battle began. It ended up with Saxons first, Romans second, Celts third and Vikings fourth, all done in a good spirit with much laughter and banter.

Lunch came next. I was temporary Christmas Lunch table monitor, and I set out all the Christmas Crackers and chocolate coins and the teachers' pressies while Mr Curmudgeon did the cutlery and cups and jugs of (soft) drink. Each of the teachers' crackers was marked with a specific teacher's name. It is always satisfying to see the worry on their faces as they gingerly shake the things and hold them to the sides of their heads. One year I must prime them properly, and watch all those ears explode!!

We had scrummy pasta bolognaise with garlic bread, followed by even scrummier apple crumble and cream. The teachers opened their pressies. This year they got personalised books linked as closely as possible to their interests, Miss Livingstone and Mr Holmes shared a book about a little lost Dinosaur who they help to return to the Jurassic period, Mr Melman had a book of zoo rhymes about giraffes and animals with voracious appetites, Prof Robertson was sent back in time to meet real historical figures, Mr Malcolm won an art competition and went on a hot air balloon ride, Mr Grimshaw's is still waiting for him, and Mr Andrew turned into a steam train and disappeared over the hill, I liked that one. Mr Ray, being new, had arrived after the books were commissioned, but my Guardian found a CD entitled MrRay so he wasn't left out! Mr Curmudgeon took charge of a bomb shaped pressie for Mr Reamon!

Lunchtime over we settled down for history with Prof Robertson. We did a sort of role play of the Battle of Hastings. Celts and Vikings had a battle up North, Stamford bridge I think, and marched south cos the Normans (role played beautifully by Roman House) were about to cross the English Channel to invade. Anyway, they all met at Senlac Ridge, which is something, I understand of a hop skip and a jump from Hastings, as in the Battle of.... ,and spent all day battling to and forth. Then Harold shouted "keep an eye on the Normans lads" and one of them shot him in the eye with an arrow and that was that. William, the chief Norman, took the throne and he was crowned on December 25th at Westminster Abbey as William 1st..... so that was our Christmas link with history...neat hey?

Christmas Art with Mr Ray followed. Most of the children made paper decorations while I dressed the Christmas tree. I made a feeble joke to Mr Andrew about there being a vacancy for a fairy to sit on top of the Christmas tree and I was dragged away and well and truly thrashed........ one tends to forget the limited capacity of the sense of humour of some of our Beaks. Still my friends rallied round and cheered me up again. It's nice to be surrounded by people who really do care.

We had Final Assembly, and as is customary, Miss Livingstone gave presents to all the teachers. She never gets one for herself, so this year Tommy mac organised a committee and we redressed the situation. As Head Girl I called on the pupils to give three hearty cheers for Miss Livingstone and the teachers, which was done with commendable enthusiasm, then I handed over a present to Miss Livingstone from all of us pupils. She seemed to be dead chuffed.

Some of the Beaks and pupils had to leave then. Mr Melman is apparently on some sort of curfew and legged it as soon as Assembly was over, and Benji needed to be home by a certain time too. Still, that left lots of us for games, and dressing up. Geoff turned into a girl, and Mr Ray appeared in short grey trousers and a school tie and jumper..... and I was lucky enough to be in the Staff Room being dealt with by Mr Malcolm when Master Ray was hauled in and whacked by Miss Livingstone for falling over in Musical Statues. It was worth a week's pocket money to see him blush when he was whacked! He's a good sport.

We played uno stacko, and musical chairs and musical statues and pass the parcel. Pass the parcel was great, we got chocolates if we had the parcel when the music stopped. The other games were a bit dicier, as once you were "out" you had to go to a Beak to get whacked! I made sure I chose Mr Malcolm..... this was a game after all, I didn't want to spoil it with more tears!

We had a lovely buffet, mince pies, sandwiches, scrummy rolls, salmon mousse and cheesy bits and sausages. Plus cherryade, orangeade and lemonade to drink......... mainly cos we are children, but also to make sure our Guardians were safe to drive. New Grange Manor is a sensible place to go to!

And then it was all over. Back into vanilla clothes, hugs all round and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a happy new year and we were off. My journey home was a little less lonely this time, as I was able to offer a lift to a fellow pupil and drop them off at an underground station a few minutes drive from my home. Chatting made the journey that much shorter! So all in all, another successful term at New Grange Manor School, and roll on February Term!

Bethany Grant

Head Girl

Christmas is Coming!

2010-11-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas term soon! We are going to have a party after school, with games, and pressies! Even the naughty children will be getting presents from Secret Santa if they are taking part that is!

First of all though we have to have lessons, and hopefully they will be Christmas related. We have to take our Art aprons, so I'll need to be fairly good so I'm not stuck in the Staff Room when it's time to set up and clear away. I'm Art and Craft Monitor and that's one of my monitorial duties you see. And as Monitors, we are expected to do our duties cheerfully without any reward, because let's face it, if we did get special treatment it would be awfully unfair to those children who aren't Monitors wouldn't it? We don't like favouritism at New Grange Manor. So I shall have to be sure that my punishment book isn't full of unremitted misdeeds. it'll be quite nice to have a break to myself for a change!

It looks as though we are going to have lots of pupils this term, and the usual suspects on the Staff side, so it should be quite lively. Add to that Christmas crackers and little surprises and everyone should have lots of fun and merriment. And that's what New Grange Manor is all about anyway, fun and a good time had by all.

Bethany Grant.

Scary pranks

2010-11-09T13:32:00.000-08:00

So there I was, sitting mulling over the wicked time we had at boarding school, running my mind over the various pranks that we got up to, and trying to work out which was the scariest. It was pretty dicey when I wound Professor Robertson up with noisemakers in class, the others were all holding their breath waiting for him to explode, but it didn't quite happen.

Bursting a balloon outside Miss Livingstone's room at 4am was also pretty scary, the consequences anyway, but I can't really take any credit for that. Aiding and abetting yes, but I was on look out duty at the top of the stairs as I didn't think I would be able to scamper up them without getting caught, rather than being there, outside the door, helping Sarah and Michelle with the fell deed.

I think, with hindsight, the bravest, although most might comment most potentially suicidal act that I committed was done on the spur of the moment. I was a few minutes late for Lunch having been detained in the Staff Room to explain, and pay for, some slight misdemeanour. Mr Melman chased me into the refectory, urging me to get my packed lunch and settle down at the table before he made another entry in my punishment book. All our packed lunches were in white paper carrier bags, each marked with our names, and there were several on the table as some of the Beaks were missing. And amongst those present was Mr Melman's lunch bag! It was the work of a moment to slip Postie's bag behind mine, and carry the two of them to the table, dropping his quietly to the floor as I sat down.

Not a great piece of mischief, you may think, dear Reader, unless of course you are conversant with our Deputy Headmaster, Ol Postie, and his somewhat voracious appetite. He's not been compared to Dusty Bin for nothing! I can already see those in the know paling under their tans as they realise the enormity of my offence in parting Postie from his nosh. It was quite funny at first, watching Mr Melman searching amongst the bags for his own, then reality sank in, and it was with quite a sinking heart that I confessed to hiding it when he questioned those of us assembled! I wasn't wrong either, a most unpleasant few minutes ensued in the Staff Room immediately after Lunch, and the effects lasted for many minutes longer!

Bethany

Boarding School - A Tommy View.

2010-11-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

Here is a contribution by our resident "bad boy" Tommy Mac to add to the overall impressions.

. "I never knew school could be such fun! Oh happy days, walking round to the schoolrooms in crocodile, disappearing one at a time so the poor old Beaks arrive on their tod. lol How easy they make it for you, just one Beak at the head ha! We all thought the Beaks were a bit green this year as they seemed to fall for nearly all our plots. Even Postie rather foolishly allowed several pupils to leave the lesson to collect the stolen 'confiscated' stuff. We took a bit of a long time 'collecting' them. One change though..Beaks bite back, We found detonators and tricks being left in our dorms! Outrageous. I think it was brilliant this year, most of the day was timetabled and there was no waiting around for something to happen. The teachers kept busy trying to deal with the entries in all our books, but I came home with 6 or 7 outstanding, and I think lots of us did. I call that a victory. The lessons were great too as lessons go. The Prof's battles really came to life and the Halloween drama thing turned out to be good fun. Of course there were some dumb old tests as well, but you can't have everything. Next year Miss says we will investigate the old school in the village. Is she mad! We don't want to leave our school just to look at another one! There's no accounting for Beaks brain waves.

tommy mac"

The Third Midnight Feast!

2010-11-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

On Sunday night we decided that , Mr Melman having departed to reluctantly resume his normal life, that it would be a doddle to have a third Midnight Feast. It did prove to be a little more difficult than we had anticipated, and we started later than we intended, but we spent the best part of two hours eating, drinking and putting the world to rights. To get the flavour of the event, here is a contribution courtesy of MIchelle who was replying to a posting from Miss Livingstone bemoaning the fact that we had disturbed her slumber!

"Thanks Miss Livingstone and all for making such a good weekend, lots of fun which really boosted my low spirits at the moment. Funny how as soon as i link up with all my school chums and partner in crime I easily fell back into the non stop routine of annoying Beaks!!

When i initially suggested popping a balloon outside Miss L's bedroom door at 4am, on the way back to our beds from a midnight feast (made later by the fact that Miss L and Mr Holmes just wouldnt stop texting us.....), I wasn't sure if any of the pupils would be brave enough to join me. However Sarah immediately agreed to pop the balloon if i stayed with her, whilst the others all waited on the stairs ready to run once the deed was done. The balloon went off and we all legged it to our bedrooms. Five minutes past and we all returned to the landing to see if any lights went on. We heard the Prof which is very unusual as nothing normally wakes him and dived back under our bed clothes with lights out. Miss Livingstone's head looked round the girls dormitory door and declared "I'll be back".

It was then that we decided 'in for a penny in for a pound' and all scarpered into Mr Melmans old bedroom. We can safely say Miss Liverboobs was not a happy Beak on her return and found all but Tommy, who was behind me in the wardrobe, but did appear when we were told to line up on the far side. It was unfortunate that whilst she was lecturing us, not one pupil could stop laughing, making the situation even funnier! After being caned we all trooped back to bed and stayed there. Just seeing a very sleepy Miss Livingstone's face appearing round the corner of the door made the prank was worth the punishment!! I have since decided that 4am must be a favourite time of ours, as at the previous boarding school i set the hidden alarm clock to go off in Miss L's room at 4am as well!! Will this 4am routine become a tradition? We will have to wait and see..............
Michelle
The quiet innocent pupil, well most of the time!!!!! "

Things that go bump in the night!

2010-11-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

So there we were, in our dorm, highly excited and chatting away ten to the dozen. Mr Melman yelled through the wall to tell us to be quiet, then Miss Livingstone appeared and waited while we all climbed into bed. She turned off the light, warning us not to make any noise and disappeared down to the lower floor.

I pushed the button on my fart machine remote control and I was gratified to hear quite a blood curdling noise from the next room. Three presses later and Mr Melman put his head round our door to warn me that he would cane me if I did it again. Well, of course, as my regular readers know, I do like a challenge, or if a Beak is reading this, my finger slipped, and there was a rather long howling noise. Mr Melman disappeared for a few minutes, then returned with his straight cane, the one that stings. He ordered me over the end of my bed and administered twelve fairly hard strokes. Before he had managed to get out of the room, I had the machine going again, and was once again directed to bend over the end of the bed. This continued for some time until I decided I didn't really want to sleep on my tummy all night.

For a while silence reigned. We had decided that Midnight would be the best time for the Feast, that being the traditional time. It was almost Midnight when I slipped out of the room and made my way along the corridor. There was a backwash of light from the stairs which threw into perfect silhouette the head of Mr Melman as he lurked behind the frosted glass window on the top landing. I quietly back tracked and reported to Shell and Sarah that there was a Beak on the prowl. We kept the door slightly open, and after about ten minutes we heard Mr Melman's door close. Again we cracked open the door and surveyed the corridor. Nothing. I stepped out into the corridor, took two steps towards the stairs and Mr Melman's head popped out of his doorway like a demented tortoise emerging from its shell. He chased us back into the room, ordered us to bend over the foot of our beds, and punished us again before telling us to get to sleep.

Again we left it for a good ten minutes, and this time when I left our dorm, I studied his door very carefully, no light spilling out around it, dead silence within, just the creaks as the house settled for the night. We had made it past the head of the first stairs on our way to wake up Tommy Mac when Mr Melman and Miss Livingstone surfaced on the top landing. I kid you not, they were like a pair of demons at the pantomime, they only needed a puff of green smoke to announce themselves to finish off the effect! Miss Livingstone sent Shell and Sarah back to the dorm, and told Mr Melman to deal with me. As the corridor was quite narrow at that point, he sent me along to the wider part at the head of the second set of stairs because he could get "a better swing there" and told me to bend over. As he was caning me, Chris's door opened and he came out to ask Mr Melman to kindly make less noise! Mr Melman chased him back into his dorm with several cracks of the cane across his bottom!

By this time I had lost count of how many strokes I'd been awarded, and I was seriously contemplating sleeping for the rest of the night. The other two looked slightly ruffled after Miss L's administrations too! However, we New Grange Manor pupils are made of sterner stuff, and although I was dozing quite nicely when Tommy mac and Chris nipped into our dorm, I quickly became wide awake. They had slipped down the second set of stairs, then came up the other set so that they avoided Mr Melman's door to some extent.

We had all the goodies packed, and went out one by one, very quietly, and crept down the stairs. We recc'ed the lower landing (the Beaks' landing), there was no sound, and no lights, so we slipped along to the head of the main staircase and carefully made our way downstairs. We decided we would use the Staff Room. There's comfortable settees in there, and a nice rug on the floor. We spread out the food and sweets. Chris had brought beer, and we had Pimms (which I had never tasted before but found very delicious) and vodka with apple juice and I think cider. Yes, I know that as Pupils we are not allowed to drink alcohol, but as we were being so naughty anyway, we thought we may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.

Hanging didn't come into it though. Caning did. We were just getting into the swing of things when the door flew open and Mr Melman stood there, looking like an avenging angel, in maroon pyjamas! He read us the riot act, and told us to pack all the stuff away. We packed it into two bags, one plastic, one a bright orange Iceland bag. As Head Girl I was called up first to bend over the bench. He's obviously a man who needs his beauty sleep to keep his temperament sunny, and I realised by stroke two of twelve that he was a tad miffed. The others were called up in turn for their dozen. Someone managed to purloin the plastic bag of goodies, I think it may have been Tommy Mac, and get them out of the Staff Room while Mr Melman was otherwise engaged, but the orange bag remained there. At least it did until the following morning, when observing that the Staff Room was empty, and the Beaks otherwise engaged, I nipped in there (yes, I know it's out of bounds, but then, I wanted my goodies back) retrieved the bag and concealed it elsewhere!

We returned to our dormitories, somewhat sore and chastened, but thrilled that we had managed to pull off a Midnight Feast even if it had been curtailed a bit early. And so to bed, to sleep the sleep of the innocent.

Bethany

Boarding School

2010-11-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

Last Friday a motley group of adults met together at a south western venue for a fun weekend away from our usual mundane lives. We ranged in age from around mid thirties to early sixties, and we came from all over the country, the Midlands, the North, the South, the Capital and the South West, and from all walks of life, and professions, plus an OAP! Within a couple of hours of arrival, once everything had been unpacked and put away, we separated into two distinct groups. Uniformed pupils, and the Beaks (as our teachers are known collectively), and long before Lights Out the two sets, Children and Adults, had melded into their roles.

Our one disappointment was that Mr Malcolm was too poorly to be let out of the Home for the Confused and Befuddled. Matron put her foot down and decreed that he remain in his sick bed, (while, no doubt, she stroked his fevered brow) instead of coming along to join his colleagues. He's been at New Grange Manor since he entered the teaching profession as a student teacher, and it was generally agreed that he has shaped up very nicely as a Beak, and of course his loyalty and helpfulness are second to none. However, I digress.

We were left more or less to our devices while Miss Livingstone sorted out the evening meal. It appears that the chef had had an unfortunate accident with a horse..... Our groan ups don't seem to have much luck with animals, Mr Holmes was chased by a flock of feral hens and according to Miss Livingston was found half way up a tree, cowering on a branch. Unfortunately no-one has told him that hens don't really fly, so he was farther up the (gum) tree than he really needed to be! You can see a picture of his chief persecutor above! Tommy decided to hide the school bell. I helped her by suggesting an interesting hiding place. Chris got thrashed by Miss Livingstone because the bell was missing, despite Tommy confessing that he had taken it, and that I was involved on the periphery of the prank! We got our comeuppance too!

Sarah, Michelle and I were thrilled to discover we were sharing the same dormitory as last year, with Tommy Mac two doors away, and Chris Pike in the the far dorm beyond Tommy. Keith was behind us in San, cos he was still recovering from a rather nasty cold and cough which left him with a very poorly chest, poor lad. We were less than thrilled to find that Miss Livingstone had given Mr Melman (Postie Pat) the room in between us and Tommy, so that we could be more closely supervised after our mischief making last year. We had a feeling we were going to have to work extra hard in order to complete our plans this time, and so it proved!

Still, we arrived before Postie did, so Shell and I proceeded to booby trap his room while we had the chance. A noisy plastic chicken went under his pillow (on hindsight it might have been better suited to Sherbert Holmes' bed), several mice, giraffes and spiders went under the duvet, and a fart machine was cunningly concealed behind a bedside cabinet.

We set the table for dinner (all the pupils had chores and we were all very good about getting them done). We had one long refectory table, the pupils sat at the head, and the teachers at the foot of the table. All the old hands amongst the pupils chose their seats with care, thereby leaving the newer pupils, Keith and Chris, sitting next to a beak. Keith was okay cos he had Prof Robertson on his right, but Chris was sitting to the left of Postie. This resulted in most of the meals being punctuated by the cry, "Pike you stupid boy" and the crack of Mr Melman's hand against the back of Chris's head!

We had scrummy shepherd's pie, with seconds for the hungriest (Chris and Postie!) and a pudding too. As it was the first night and we'd all had long journeys, Miss Livingstone did a quick Assembly, running over the rules, Bounds, Lights Out Rules etc, then we were sent to wash, get into our pyjamas and snuggle into bed before Lights Out. So away we went. And I will leave it there for now, dear Reader, because the activities after lights Out deserve a chapter to themselves!

Bethany

Third Term at New Grange Manor Boarding School!!

2010-11-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

Boarding School

2010-11-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

These just get better and better. This one was absolutely amazing. When I can sit comfortably, and I've caught up on my sleep, (three midnight feasts would you believe!!) I will spill the beans.
Bethany

A glimpse in the HBC basement.

2010-10-15T03:28:00.000-07:00

Well here you are, folks, as promised, a photo taken in the basement at the home for the Bewildered and Confused fairly recently. Mr Andrew is pontificating his rules of English Grammar, while Mr Malcolm is

concerned about his next meal! About par for the course for the pair of them!!

Bethany

Hallowen and School

2010-10-15T02:55:00.000-07:00

It will soon be Halloween, and a lucky few from New Grange Manor will be spending it deep in the heart of the countryside at boarding school! Double fun! My Guardian is already busy making me a Halloween jumper for the party on Sunday evening. It's full of ghosts, and bats and pumpkins and the wickedest devil you ever did see! Except you won't unless you are one of the chosen few!
We've already seen the timetable, and it's crammed full of activities. There doesn't seem to be much time for causing mayhem and mischief, but of course, where there is a will...... Although I'm not sure if Will is coming, there's me, and Sarah and Michelle, Tommy Mac, Keef, and Chris, not sure who else, although we have a wide range of beaks, Miss Liversausage, Mr (Sherbert) Holmes, Mr Melman (Postie), Mr Malcolm (ol Eff 1), Mr Reamon (A4) and ol Prof Robertson. Gosh, that's a Beak/Pupil ratio of one to one. I hadn't realised that, we'll certainly have to keep on our toes, otherwise we'll just be looking at them (our toes)! Still, I do enjoy a challenge.
My Guardian can't take me all the way to the venue. Poor old dear tires too easily driving long distances on account of her "affliction"..... so I am to be decanted part way and I will share a car with Tommy mac (hooray) and Miss Liversausage and Mr Holmes (boo) all the way there. Not a great deal of scope for plotting, but I dare say we might manage something. Our Beaks do tend to have the hearing of bats, although at least we are spared the company of the completely batty one, as he will remain hanging from the rafters, in the basement of the Home for the Befuddled and Confused, like a bat. I do have a photo somewhere, must see if I can find it and scan it in.......
Anyway, I digress. A nice long weekend, in school uniform, in beautiful surroundings and a gorgeous schoolhouse, what more could anyone ask? And there's always the chance we might learn something interesting too!
Bethany

Something to mull over.....

2010-10-14T16:02:00.000-07:00

Definition of favouritism:-

1) The practice of giving special treatment to one person.

2) The state of being treated as favourite.

October School

2010-10-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well that was an interesting school. We had the presentation of the Trophies. As predicted, Celts came first, Romans were a very creditable second, followed by Saxons and Vikings. I don't exactly understand how House Points are allocated, but as House Captain of Romans I'm happy enough with the result!
Jane took the personal house points trophy, again, as the Beaks had given her the most personal hps during the year.
We had quite a large gathering, 15 pupils, including some new oiks who we inculcated into our mischief making ways. Daisy, Sarah, Maxine and I enlivened morning break by standing side by side, feet slightly apart, arms upraised to make an "X". hands lightly touching. We waited to see which Beak we would draw in, and in due course ol Eff 1 lumbered across to us demanding to know what we were doing. I explained that we were making a human transmitter, to try and communicate with an alien life form. And as we dropped our arms, I commented to the girls "and it looks as if we have succeeded girls". Eff 1 looked a trifle discomfited and said he would deal with us later. I don't think he ever did though, he certainly didn't catch up with me, there's nothing in my punishment book about communicating with alien life forms!
By this time we'd had Political History with Mr Grimshaw (I booby trapped his books with a detonator which made a pleasing bang, oddly enough he wasn't pleased, and expressed his displeasure in the usual way!). Exploration of Knowledge with the new Beak, Mr Ray (Sugar) came next, during which I pinched the box of chalk of his desk and passed it around the class. Several of us were in possession of "School chalk liquorice", a white sweet which looks like pieces of chalk, and we openly ate these as the chalk box circulated. He either didn't notice, or decided not to go there, so once again we got away with a fairly well organised piece of mischief.
I was a little late for biology having not heard the bell. This is probably explained by the fact that I was hiding behind the woodshed waiting for another pupil to join me in an act of truancy. However he got waylaid on his way out and sent back to his desk, and I was bored and a bit cold so I went back in. I got an entry in my book for being late to class, but then in that lesson I got half a dozen entries for one thing or another so it all sort of blurred into one. i didn't sit comfortably for some time, mind. The Grim in particular seems to have realised I won't break in two if he whacks me that bit harder!!
Lunch was scrummy, the downside being that Daisy and I had to sit at the Beaks' end of the table as the other seats were all taken. it's not a pretty sight, you know, dear Readers, watching the teaching faculty at the trough so to speak!
We decided to enliven the day after Lunch by developing measles. I had a couple of packets of red adhesive dots in my satchel, as you do, and we dotted them on our faces, hands and legs. Miss Livingsausage was incensed when we declared that we were allergic to dinner, rattan, canes, straps and anything else the Beaks might have about their persons to chastise poor pupils with. She made us line up, no consideration that we might be ailing, and after threatening us all with a dose of cod liver oil and malt (which I adore) we were sent into the Staffroom two by two, a bit like the animals in the Ark, for the Grim and ol Eff1 to deal with us. And they did so with a somewhat alarming degree of enthusiasm!
Art was great fun. We made Bunting with a Halloween theme. This is going to be hung at the boarding school weekend. I decided on a skull in a coffin shaped box, quite gruesome, and fiddly to do, but it earned me a precious hp so I was well pleased.
By this time we were all getting tired, and Prof Robertson wisely shelved his lecture on military history (bit of a disappointment to me as I love military history) and we played "Who am I?" using figures from history. It was fun and brought the evening to a gentle end.
So all in all a good day.
Boarding school comes next, so watch this space!!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

Forthcoming School

2010-10-07T04:25:00.000-07:00

Another school on Saturday. This is the precursor to boarding school too. There will be presentation of trophies for house points, and hopefully lots of mischief to intersperse the lessons.

August School

2010-08-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

We had such a super school yesterday. We were a tad thin on the ground owing to illness, holidays, and a clash with other events, but nonetheless the day buzzed from the word go!
I arrived quite early, and having changed into my uniform, we have lovely new school hats now btw, (and this term I wore my best grey gymslip as I wasn't wearing my school jumper, the weather being a little warm) I was sent into the Staffroom to sit at the table and do my Sats under the eagle eye of Mr Malcolm. And I must say it made a pleasant change to be sitting in the Staffroom rather than being bent over a bench in there! The Sats were quite challenging, especially as it's an extra two months for me since we did the work we were being tested on. I do know I inadvertently added several hundred thousands of years to the building of Stonehenge, by my reckoning it would have been Tyrannosaurus Rex and his mates who had a hand, or a claw, in it!!
Still it was finished in time for me to have a bit of fun before school started. I met the two new ticks, Jeff and Danny, and introduced them to pegging. We also had a new Beak, Mr Ray, who Jane promptly re-christened "Sugar", can't have a Beak at New Grange Manor who doesn't have a nickname! Being fresh meat he was the ideal subject for a demonstration of pegging. I strolled past, attached a bright pink clothes peg to the bottom of his jacket, and returned to the new pair to hand over a couple of pegs for them to have a go. The Grim spotted the peg and called me across to him and Sugar to give me a gentle reprimand (it was before school started) and to explain to Sugar the niceties of some of our mischief. He did also tell him that my word can be relied on, if I'm guilty I confess, if I deny the prank, they can be 100% certain I am innocent, so that was nice to hear. We rely a lot on personal honour at NGM, and we rather frown on folk who deliberately let others get into trouble for their misdeeds. It's just not cricket.
We got stuck into lessons immediately after Assembly. History with the Grim consisted of some bite size facts about the Houses of Plantagenet,Lancaster and Tudor, although we stopped at Henry 7th this term. Henry 8th will nearly merit a lesson all on his own, like the Grim said, a bloke with six mother-in-laws needs a bit of space!
Archaeology was a bit of a hoot when Miss Livingboobs started talking about a couple of Archaeologists who are called "Leakey" (sic), and once she mentioned they were "incontinent of Africa" Jane and I lost it completely and were doubled over our desks nearly crying with laughter. We were sent out of the class in disgrace and ended up being bent double over the bench in the Staff Room which tended to steady us somewhat!
We had loads of other lessons, English Literature (Roman House got full marks in the Dickens Quiz), a spelling test ( two precious house points for me and Nicola for a 100% score) Biology, a somewhat surreal lesson where we learnt about the origins of poop. Thankfully that was after Lunch which consisted, it being summer term, of a cold packed Lunch. Lots of scrummy filled rolls, crisps, fruit, jellies, tomatoes and all sorts of goodies. I got into a bit of trouble when a tomato accidentally fell on eff-one's head, he hauled me off to the Staffroom and expressed his displeasure in the usual way. I expressed my cheek in the usual way but only succeeded in getting an extra 3 hard whacks which made me jump about a bit so I desisted after that!
I'd provided a jar of piccalilli for the Staff table. But they were all wary of opening it, led by the Grim who once opened a jar of mustard I'd offered him, and nearly dropped it when the snake popped out! Even the new Beak, ol Sugar, had become increasingly wary as the day progressed, by the end he was shying like a skittish colt if a pupil passed within three feet of him! Anyway, Chris, an intrepid Roman opened it up in the end, and a snake made a satisfying entry into the world! We also had a salt cellar which shoots along the table at a rate of knots. I'd had another couple of pranks in the pipeline but sadly I'd left them at home. Never mind, there's always October school, or the weekend Boarder.
We did try making gunpowder after lunch. Tommy mac acquired a spoon, and after several abortive attempts I got a beaker and we mixed the saltpetre (cream of tartar), sulfur (custard powder) and carbon (cocoa) together to make a nice powder. Must have got the proportions wrong though cos it didn't go off. Maybe just as well, I got into enough trouble with little bangers, a big explosion might have resulted in some serious retribution!! Plus we don't do dangerous mischief anyway, that's not the NGM way.
So all in all a lively school, and I can't wait for the next one!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

SATs etc

2010-06-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well another term is looming. An important one too as we have our SATs exams. Sadly I won't be amongst those present. My Guardian is taking me off to do some volunteer work with vulnerable adults, and unfortuntely the dates clash. Never mind, at least it gives the Beaks a bit of a rest. They might even pop down the road to the local pub to watch the footie seeing that all will be quiet on the classroom front.
Bethany

The Dog Show

2010-04-12T01:19:00.000-07:00

We did it! We had a Dog Show, after Lunch!! I took six photos of dogs, and superimposed a Beak's face over each of their faces, and then we gave them all kennel names, just like at Crufts. So we had:-

Miss Livingstone - Old English Sheepdog - Athena Chuckles

Mr Melman - Cocker Spaniel - The Dark Marauder

Mr Malcolm - Poodle - Fluffy Hot Chix

Mr Holmes - Mastiff - Baskerville Hound

Prof Robertson - British Bulldog - Winnie the Pooh

Matron was a rather stunning Afghan Hound, kennel name Florence of Arabia, but as she was sadly absent she was scratched from the entries.

We had four classes, Dog with the Waggiest Tail, Dog with the Cutest Expression, Dog in Best Condition and Dog the Judge would like to take Home, with four rosettes per class, Best in Show and Reserve Best in Show.

The full Results were as follows:-

Dog with the Waggiest Tail

1. Mr Holmes

2. Mr Malcolm

3. Miss Livingstone

4. Mr Melman

Dog with the Cutest Expression

1. Miss Livingstone

2. Mr Holmes

3. Mr Melman

4. Mr Malcolm

Dog in Best Condition

1. Mr Melman

2. Miss Livingstone

3. Mr Holmes

4. Prof Robertson

Dog the Judge would like to take Home.

1. Mr Melman

2. Miss Livingstone

3. Prof Robertson

4. Mr Malcolm

Best in Show

Athena Chuckles - Miss Livingstone

Reserve Best in Show

The Dark Marauder - Mr Melman

So it was all good fun. The Beaks got a little rosette as a memento of their (unwitting) appearance in the Dog Show, the pupils were kept busy after lunch and out of mischief, and we all had a giggle. Nice naughtiness you see, that's the sort NGM prefers.

So now, dear readers, no doubt you will want to see the entrants? I'm uploading a photo, but for discretionary purposes, I have blanked out the original Beak's faces, but you should still get a flavour of what we did!

Bethany Grant

Head Girl

Four Days to Go!!

2010-04-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

Only four days now. Isn't it exciting? We've got everything sorted and the plan looks like it will go ahead without any problems! It's going to be such fun! Watch this space, and discover our funny secret after school!
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

All Through the Night!

2010-03-08T01:51:00.000-08:00

Mr Malcolm suggested we do lines as he and Miss Livingstone wanted to go to bed (not together of course!) and they thought we didn't, although bed seemed tome a very good idea at that point. We had to write something like " ! will not drink alcohol, tell fibs, get out of my bed and hide other people's implements", memory is a bit hazy at this distance, but it was along those lines (no pun intended). We were taken into the Prep room and left at the table writing the lines. We were to leave them on the table when we'd finished. We pretty soon decided that we weren't going do then correctly, in fact the first two lines were okay but the rest we changed to read something totally different, an example of this is

'I will drink alcohol, get out of bed, tell fibs and hide other people's immigrants/ intention/ etc.”

We also but duff numbers by the side so that we got the numbers up to the 64 that they finally decided on, eg 19,20,21,37,38 etc and crossed our fingers they were not checked. We needn't have worried! I went up to the dorm at 2.45, michelle at 3.20 and tommy not long after that. We knew that the next morning we daren't make any complaint about being tired as would cause their wrath again!!!

2010-03-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

Once again, my thanks to Michelle for her thoughts and memories.

At bedtime we kept playing up and we did not get to bed on time despite Eff-1 chasing us into our dorms! Eff-1 tried to take Michelle’s torch away as she kept switching it back on, so she got a smaller one out of the drawer to foil him with! Michelle went out onto the landing to see if it was clear, but Eff-1 was lurking out there. He asked Michelle what was she doing. She replied she was going to the toilet but that didn't wash with him and she was escorted to the staff room for a whacking.

About 20 minutes later Michelle , Sarah and I returned to the landing, trying to hear if the Beaks were upstairs yet. Eventually we heard Eff-1 go into his bedroom and so I operated the remote fart machine a few times. after a while we couldn't hear it so assumed he'd turned it off again.

So now it was time for the Midnight Feast! We had all brought various things for this. Tommy had brought cider, Shell brought lager and cider, and Sarah had some whiskey! Katherine had baked a chocolate cake. But she didn’t come down in the end as she was too tired. Shell held her torch up so we could see the steep stairs down.

Before we had the Feast we decided we would hide all the Beaks’ toys, and we did, thoroughly! We all ate and drank our fill, then sat round chatting about the Beaks and putting the world to rights! At around 2am we decided to go up to bed, so tidied some of the mess away but strategically left other things out so the Beaks would know a midnight feast had taken place. Nicola and Sarah went upstairs while we were finishing off then we followed them upstairs.

Tommy mac, michelle and I decided that we'd give Eff-1 a wake up call like last year, so on the way up I waited on the stairs and tommy played ghost music through a machine while Shell opened his door. We then legged it up the stairs, but as there was no reaction so we decided to do it again only this time, when his light went on we fled. Tommy and Michelle hid in the small passageway linking Eff-1 and the Prof’s room, while I hid under a bed in a spare room. His door opened. Michelle and Tommy were silent, his door closed the light went off but just as they decided to leg it his light came on again. A few minutes after his light was switched off so they decided to make a runner for our dorms. I went first, as my hiding place was closest to the dorm, then tommy and finally Shell. Unfortunately Eff1 was waiting behind his door and chased us up the stairs. He managed to grab hold of Michelle’s foot, so she had no choice but to go with him. Naturally Tommy and I couldn’t leave our chum to face the music alone, so we trooped down to the Staffroom in their wake.

We had that dreadful feeling that things were going to get a lot more interesting. How could we side track him cos once he seen that the implements were missing we were going to be dead meat? He demanded to know where the toys were but we refused to tell him as we had made a pact with the others that nobody would tell them of the location before at least school the next day.

Eff-1's face was a picture when he saw the state of staff room. He demanded to know where the toys were but we continually refused. We were lined up in the Staffroom with our hands on our heads. Eff-1 told us that we would remain there in that position for as long as it took. But eventually he gave up and ordered us to bend over with our hands on head and stay there until we talked. He decided to change tactics and we were ordered to bend over with our hands on the settee. He used his slipper, and continually changed from one person to the next. Although the strokes weren't hard we didn't tell him that just made appropriate 'ow' noises, so he thought they were. After he'd been round all three of us several times we heard a noise from the corridor. It was Miss Livingboobs. We exchanged appalled glances. She demanded to know what was going on. We were then given the third degree as to where the implements were but we all stuck fast informing her that we couldn't tell her as we had made a pact with the others. She had a quick search but they were too well hidden.

And what happened next, well dear reader, it didn’t get any better!!

To be continued….

Super Wheeze

2010-03-03T05:11:00.001-08:00

We have got such a super wheeze planned for next term. The Beaks will be barking mad...!! There's a few of us involved in it, each concentrating on a certain aspect and it's coming together beautifully. All nice naughtiness, but well co-ordinated. Watch this space, although I obviously can't give any hints or details cos of the odd Beak or two who peruse these articles! But it's going to be such fun!!!!
Bethany

More boarding School Fun!

2010-01-28T16:14:00.000-08:00

After lunch, Michelle and Tommy mac played footie and for a short period Eff-1 joined in. Then they came inside for a bit. Up in the dormitory, Michelle and Sarah helped me to blow up our inflatables, one man, one woman and one crocodile. We stuffed the man and woman under the bed in a spare bedroom and parked the crocodile in the wardrobe for use later on. Michelle went in Kaz’s and Eff-1's room hiding items.

The next lesson was Cookery with Miss Livingboobs. We made scones. We enjoyed the lesson and were generally well behaved. Nicola's struggled badly with cooking though, and ended up with something more akin to stepping stones than scones! We all helped clean up.

During Astrology Mr Reamon (A4) was very observant and missed nothing that was going on. When he caught me eating sweets he asked if I was hungry! Then he realised that Michelle was the “distribution centre” for the goodies, and wrote in her book! Don’t think he ever followed through with retribution though!!

Military History with Prof Robertson came next, we were doing the Dunkirk Evacuation and it was absolutely fascinating. Michelle got a bit bored, she’s not such a history fanatic as me, but she sat quietly completing a mosaic doodle until Eff-1 swooped and removed her pencil.

I was, in my opinion, unfairly punished for lateness by Mr Malcolm so I trashed his room and threw his slippers into Prof Robertson’s room. Unfortunately I had to confess what I’d done to

Prof R, in order to reclaim F-1’s slippers for him, so I ended up being punished by both F-1 and the Prof.

Prep followed. We were set an Essay which had the title “The Vanishing Headmistress“. Eff-1 decided to supervise, and Prof was sitting on the settee in the prep room too, so we worked away diligently. We were told we could complete it either after tea, during freetime etc as long as it was ready by Sunday pm. We returned to the table after supper as Eff-1 had told us that we had to, as some pupils hadn’t even managed a page yet. We chatted amongst ourselves, which tended to wind Eff-one up and we were taken off to the Staffroom at various times to have the need for quietness impressed upon us. Eff-one nagged Tommy to start so he did a drawing to illustrate the story! Miss Liversausage showed Michelle’s effort to Eff-1 as it had a reference to F1 being in Liversausage's headmistress’ cloak practising his aerobic dance moves! Miss L was a tad upset cos my vanished headmistress was turned into a chicken prior to a chicken barbecue!

Michelle went into F1's room to turn the farting machine back on, and left a spider in his bed in case she was caught in his room. She came upstairs and helped us to re-inflate the female doll and the crocodile. Tommy and Michelle operated on the male doll once they found the source of the leak, and Tommy and Beth found the leak on the crocodile by immersing it in the bath and repaired it with some tape that Tommy provided. When we checked on the inflatables later the female doll hadn't made it through the op, however we did use it on Mr Reamon cos we knew he wouldn't be

bothered.!!

F1 shouted for both Michelle and me, and we found him outside his room. He asked if we'd been in there, I was able to truthfully say no, but as we don't lie if asked a direct question Michelle admitted she'd been in there so she was sent down to the staffroom for a caning. Michelle had also been in Miss L's room to place a couple of noisy toys in there and hide a trainer and other personal items of hers. Eff-1 found the male inflatable in his bed and asked me and Michelle if it had something to do with us. We admitted it, then we were told to get rid of it! F1 informed us that he had locked his door and when we tried it, it appeared it had. However after a bit of fiddling with it, Michelle managed to unlock it so the fun could continue!!

We replaced the inflatable man in f-1’s bed, a large inflatable willy went behind Miss L’s curtains, and Prof drew the crocodile. He’d told us of a saying of Churchill’s, about appeasement, something about not feeding crocodiles in the hope that you will be the last to be eaten, so we wrote out the quote and left it with the crocodile!

By then it was Light Out, so we all duly trotted off to bed.

Doctor What....?

2009-12-19T12:35:00.000-08:00

I really must get on and do the rest of the Boarding School report. Michelle has given me loads of notes, but it's finding the time.
Anyway, in the meantime, I was watching Doctor Who, and wondered if we could do our version of the series. I was mentally running my eye over our Staffroom of beaks, and I think we would have the perfect cast.
First of all the Doctor himself, my favourite was Tom Baker so we'd need somebody else who is totally insa....... er that is eccentric, and ol Anthrax immediately springs to mind. Ruffle up the hair, and wrap a soft, strong and very very long scarf round his neck and he'd be perfect (well I use the term loosely, you must understand).
Then there is his arch-enemy, The Master. That's got to be our Deputy Head ol Postie. Not that our two revered Beaks are at daggers drawn, it's just that Mr Melman looks like the Master, face fungus and all, and has the right sort of evil attitude. He thinks nothing of whacking a naughty pupil hard if he catches them up to no good....... no milk of human kindness.
And for the cyberman who better than Mr Malcolm, a dead ringer for the role, or we could shove a wheelie bin over his head and cast him as a dalek!
Dr What-not would need a couple of intrepid female companions, so step forward Miss Livingboobs and Miss Teabags, and there you have it!
We could shove them all in the TARDIS, have a super duper time unsupervised and they would be back at the end of the school day all ready for Final Assembly after goodness knows how many adventures! And tired, so any whackings would be nice and gentle....
Bethany

In the School Grounds.

2009-10-23T15:07:00.000-07:00

The school grounds were stunning. So spacious, and the air was beautifully clear, other than if one was down wind of Prof Robertson's pipe!

It was a glorious venue.

Bethany

Day One - School time

2009-10-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd like to point out that this blog about Boarding School is a joint effort between Michelle and myself. We have pooled notes and memories in order to protect the innocent!

Saturday morning, after a nice sleep in comfortable beds, we did our ablutions, changed into uniform, tidied the room and trooped downstairs for breakfast. Mr Malcolm greeted us by asking if we had been having tap dancing lessons in our room the night before. At our blank stares, he explained that it had been a tad noisy, what with the fart machine, us nipping up and down stairs, and then there were the other noisy "toys" he had discovered when the lights went out. He left us to eat our breakfast and do our chores with a curt order to see him in the Staff Room once we were finished. We did so. I retired to our common room to recover somewhat, but michelle's death wish was alive and well and she was foolish enough to cheek Eff-1 again. I watched her following him out of the school, and followed, curious to see why. Poor old michelle was sent to run around the lawn until ordered to stop! She managed quite a good power walking technique and went round about 7 or 8 times in all, and nearly managed to stop to chat to Prof Robertson before she was hauled back into the Staff Room. The usual noises issued forth and I nipped upstairs to get my PE kit for later.
We'd been told to fill in the sandwich list for lunch. There was lots of choice, and we were even able to request a second sandwich if we thought we were going to be very hungry. Sarah Robinson obviously thought that Professor Robertson needed some extra rations, especially as he's quite tall and sturdy, so she very kindly changed his "2" to "200". And do you know, he wasn't the least bit grateful! In fact he wrote it down as an offence in her punishment book! I'd made an addition to Mr Malcolm's choice, and added a request for a portion of hemlock as seasoning. He came across this later on in the day, and took umbrage. I couldn't sit comfortably for ages afterwards.
Seconds later the bell went, and I made it down to the common room just in time. We were all lined up ready to march across to the classroom block when tommy mac and michelle confessed that they didn't have their PE kit. We waited while they retrieved it, and had "Late" written in their punishment books, then marched off in a neat single file, me at the front behind Miss Liversausage, the others strung out behind me. As we approached the front door, I raised my water pistol grenade to shower Miss Livingstone. Unfortunately, unlike a proper water pistol, you can't tell which side the water is going to come out of too easily, and I only managed to squirt water to one side. Michelle was much more successful though, and thoroughly soaked Miss L's head. The downside for michelle was the fact that the glass entrance door acted like a mirror and Miss L knew exactly who was at fault!
We were taken all round the classroom block and shown the usual offices, fire escapes etc, then settled down to the first lesson, Military History with Professor Robertson. I was really excited cos I like history, and I kept firing off all these questions at him about what were we going to do, could we do this period or that period. After he told me to stop talking for the third time, I had to take my book to him for an entry re unnecessary talking, and I thought I had better desist.
We had a super lesson. The ultimate aim was to learn about the Evacuation from Dunkirk. Prof took us right back to the WW1, although he just skirted around that because he refuses to discuss the Great War as he considers it was simply murder, and we discussed social and economic conditions between the wars. It was fascinating. Michelle got caught passing sweets to tommy mac. Mr Malcolm spent some time in the room, and gave me and michelle an admonitory clip round the ear whenever he passed us just to warn us to be good. And I was being good! I always am if I'm interested in something! I think Prof was getting a bit peeved too, he seems to be a Beak who likes to control his own class.
At the end of the lesson several of us had to see Prof regarding our conduct. We got a stern lecture about behaviour and the consequences of interrupting his lesson which really struck home. He followed this up by saying he would come and find us and inflict our punishment when he was ready to do so. There was a dull thud as four tummies turned over and sank like stones! We went down to get our drinks at break feeling distinctly apprehensive.
In fact I think the trepidation must have got to Sarah cos she played truant during the next class! She got caught eventually of course,and had to face the wrath of both Miss Livingstone and Prof Robertson, which is quite a rich mixture!

The next lesson was PE, with Mr Malcolm. We started off with some stretches and bends, and followed those up with a hilarious set of games with a balloon. I think the balloon won. He then had me out at the front of the class demonstrating some dance moves. The fact that I have two left feet, no sense of rhythm, and difficulty in working out my right from my left in moments of stress incensed him somewhat. He tried writing L and R on the backs of my hands, but that upset any rhythm that I'd actually managed to find. In the end he sent me back into line, put some music on, and called out the moves as we did them. The others were moving quite nicely, especially tommy and michelle. I side stepped neatly to the curtains, and hid behind them for the remainder of the lesson. I wasn't missed. At least eff-one did ask at one point where is bethany? But I think he probably felt a bethany less class was all to the best. Then there were footsteps, and I heard Miss Livingstone's dulcet tones. As the line of dancers advanced upon my hiding place, I slipped out and tagged on the end. And I got away with it too!

And so to Lunch, dear readers. We will break here, and I will reveal all (or as much as I dare) of the activities in the afternoon.
bethany and michelle

Boarding School prep

2009-10-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

For prep at Boarding School, we were given an essay to write called "The Vanishing Headmistress". This was my contribution.

The Vanishing Headmistress.

The girls of the Liverwort Young Witches Coven School were very excited. In two weeks time it would be Halloween, the most important Festival of the school year.
Bethany and her friend Michelle were really, really excited. This year they were Middles, and would be taking a practical part in the Festivities. The previous two years they had been Juniors and were only allowed to watch. This year they were both thirteen years old, so deemed “sensible”. Well, the rest of the Third Form were deemed sensible, there was distinct unrest amongst the Staff whenever Bethany’s or Michelle’s name cropped up. However, Miss Malcoma, their form Mistress, had urged the headmistress, Miss Liverwort, an evil old crone it must be said, to let them take part in the activities.
“Both Bethany and Michelle are coming along quite nicely in Potions”, Miss Malcoma had told Miss Liverwort, “especially since we had the reinforced glass put in the windows of the Potions Lab. And that nasty green stain on the floor has almost faded. Perhaps they can work together on a small spell making project. They are both somewhat uncoordinated in broomstick dancing, and anyway there are fifteen in that Form, where thirteen is ideal for a dance exhibition.”
Miss Liverwort agreed, albeit somewhat reluctantly, although she did temper her agreement with promises of dire punishment for both Miss Malcoma and the girls if anything went wrong. Miss Malcoma paled perceptibly; Bethany and Michelle however were thrilled.
“I know,” said Beth, “let’s do that spell where we change an egg into a chicken and back again. You got a B for yours in the last exam, and even I managed a C.”
Michelle nodded eagerly, and the girls went to ask Prof Robbo for the proper ingredients for their spell. They tapped politely on the door and went inside. The room was empty. The girls decided they would just help themselves to whatever ingredients they needed. This was really very naughty, and strictly against the rules. Bethany and Michelle quickly gathered everything they thought they needed, substituting a couple of things they could not find for something similar, and scuttled off to the Potions Lab. The door there was locked.
“What do we do now,” asked Michelle.
“Kitchen”, replied Bethany succinctly. “I know it’s out of bounds, but we do need to practice.”
The kitchen was deserted. The girls took a saucepan and started to mix the herbs and potions, heating it gently until the mixture bubbled, murmuring incantations as they worked. Bethany started to look worried.
“It’s supposed to be bright pink, isn’t it?” she asked.
“You didn’t put a feather in it,” replied Michelle.
“Bother and blow!” snapped Bethany.
She let herself out of the back door and scurried across to the hen coop to find a feather. In her haste, she left the coop door ajar, and didn’t notice the hens streaming out behind her.
Arriving back at the kitchen, Bethany threw the feather into the pot, and cried out
“Eggio, disperatu, henus exactamus”.
Michelle started to say that she thought that was wrong, surely is was “disperam” not “disperatu” , but then she gripped Bethany’s arm.
“Someone’s coming in,” she hissed.
Bethany glanced into the saucepan, the mixture wasn’t bright pink at all, it was brown and a bit muddy looking. She hoicked the feather out of the pan, then followed Michelle who had fled out of the back door.
Gwladys, the Welsh maid, a nice girl, but definitely on the simple side, entered the kitchen.
“Oh goodo, Cook bach has made Miss Liverwort’s cocoa already. I’ll take her up a big mug cos the old bat is getting a cold, and she’s evil enough when she’s well. Plus she’s all bunged up, and she needs to be able to smell properly on Halloween.”
Gwladys tipped most of the contents of the girls’ pan into a large mug, and carried it off to the Headmistress’s study.
“About time too, Gwladys, you lazy girl” snapped Miss Liverwort, drinking most of the mug's contents at one gulp. “Groogh, everything tastes foul today.”
She glanced out of the window while Gwladys stood by the door, pleating her white apron between nervous fingers.
“Oh Gwladys, the hens are out. Get some of the girls, we must round them up.”
As Gwladys hurried to do her bidding, Miss Liverwort stood up. She felt rather peculiar, maybe this head cold was turning to flu. She really felt as if she was shrinking, and her wings were scratchy. Her wings? Miss Liverwort peered down, she was covered in brown feathers. She fluttered and hopped onto the window seat, and just as Gwladys re-entered the room she fluttered into the garden and joined the flock of hens running hither and thither across the lawn.
Gwladys ran outside and bumped into Bethany and Michelle.
“Miss Liverwort has vanished Miss Bethany. Her clothes are on the floor, and I saw a hen jumping out of the window. And Miss Liverwort never finished the cocoa I found in the kitchen either.”
Michelle and Bethany looked at each other horror stricken. Then they turned and ran round to the Headmistress’s garden. Several girls and Mistresses were already there, shooing the hens back into their coop. Twenty-five identical brown hens looked balefully through the wire. Bethany and Michelle quietly melted out of the crowd.
Next morning, in the absence of Miss Liverwort, Miss Malcoma took Assembly.
“Girls”, she announced, “something very serious has happened. Our beloved Headmistress…..” she paused as a suppressed murmur rose from the assembled girls, many of whom were casting their eyes up to the ceiling, “our beloved Headmistress, Miss Liverwort,“ continued Miss Malcoma firmly, “has vanished. We have decided to bring forward our Halloween Feast to today, as once the Authorities are let loose in this school, it will probably be closed down. People outside the Magical World do not understand our Scene. We will be called bad names. So after the Feast, all the Junior and Middle girls will be sent home early.”
One of the doors at the far end of Hall drifted open. A smell of roast chicken wafted around the room.
“As a special treat,” continued Miss Malcoma, “we will be having barbecued chicken, all lovely and fresh from our own hen coop.”
Bethany and Michelle gazed at each aghast.
“Looks like we may get away with it, Shell,” murmured Bethany to her friend, “but do remind me to go for the vegetarian option at the Feast.”
The End
　

Boarder - Day One

2009-10-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

On Friday, my Guardian dropped me off at the Headmistress's house so that I could be taken to boarding school. The whole trip was a bit too far for my Guardian to drive, and the School Authorities refused to let me be sent on the train by myself as (in role) I am only thirteen and three quarters. Tommy mac had been ordered to report to Miss L too, as she had decreed that "two of the naughtiest pupils in the school" would be better off directly under her eye. We weren't too sure because we wanted to plot, but we had to do as we were told.

In actual fact the journey was quite uneventful. We started off a bit late cos it was decided that we should go in convoy with Mr Reamon, and he had to bring Katherine. I'm sure the three of us could have managed to travel across country all by ourselves quite successfully, it's awful when you gain a reputation! Still, we were allowed to stop at a motorway cafe and we had burgers and chicken, and tommy had something veggie and then we were off again!

The cars bowled along quite merrily, and eventually we reached the school. It's gorgeous, nestled in the country, miles away from towns, and motorways, and it was a long way from a train station so it was as well Miss L took us.

We helped to carry everything in, and had a good look round. There was that wonderful school smell of polish, and dust, and old cabbage and disinfectant that is so heady. Mr Malcolm and Michelle had arrived a few minutes ahead of us, and Prof Robertson turned up not too long after with Sarah Robinson in tow. Apparently none of our Guardians had trusted us to travel alone, even Nicola was dropped off at the school gates and trundled her school trunk along the drive.

Miss Liversausage took us upstairs and showed us our dormitories. Me, Michelle and Sarah were in the big dormitory, and Tommy Mac was in the boys' dormitory. Miss L had put Nicola and Katherine in a smaller girls' dormitory further along the corridor, I believe she thinks we are a bad influence. Can't think why. We had a quick nose around the staff corridor. It was a bit galling to find that one set of stairs from our floor opened up directly outside Mr Malcolm and Prof Robertson's rooms, and the other stairs were disturbingly close to Miss Liversausage's room, while Mr Reaman was close too. We could see that was going to cause us some logistical problems when it came to feasting.

We went back to the dormies, and changed into uniform, then went downstairs for my favourite, Shepherds Pie and vegetables. We set the tables, and just as the food was ready, our School cook and her assistant arrived, and we were all set for the term. The cook, Mrs Lovett, and her assistant Miss Todd were given the room next to ours, and we were put on our honour not to disturb or annoy them during the night. So of course we didn't, being on your honour at New Grange Manor is taken very seriously by all the pupils.

It being the first night, we had a bit of free time which we put to good use by finding an empty dormitory and hiding all our booze, erm I mean our lemonades of course, in the bedside cabinet. Sarah, michelle and I spent some time blowing up a couple of inflatable men, an inflatable woman, and a crocodile. We were annoyed to find that a couple of the things had punctures, so later on, tommy mac filled the bath with cold water and we dunked the things in there to find the holes. Tommy had brought some white plastic tape, and it made quite good puncture repair plasters! We hid the men under the spare bed, and popped the woman into the wardrobe, ready for action.

Mr Malcolm caught me trying to go out of bounds and sent me to the Staff Room. I didn't think I'd get into much bother on the first night of term, but Mr Malcolm gave me one of his skin stripping reprimands about behaviour, good manners, adherence to rules etc, then dealt with me in the usual NGM manner with, to my mind, somewhat more enthusiasm that the occasion demanded! However, you can't argue with Beaks, and I retired to the kitchen for a comforting cup of hot chocolate! Once the sting had abated somewhat, vengeance occupied my mind!! I sought out michelle, cos I knew she had several suitable toys.

Lights Out came first though. We were far too excited to go to sleep. We chased in and out of each other's dormitories, and then michelle hid a fart machine in Mr Malcolm's room, along with a couple of noise machines. We just got out of there in time, cos he came up the stairs while we still hovering and gave us a lecture about what would happen if we went into his room! We ran back upstairs, and he came along to put the Light Out and tell us to go to sleep.

Sleep was well out the question though. I'd put new batteries in my snoring teddy, Nelson (he only has one eye) , and the other two were on the edge of their beds chatting away. I'd given tommy mac one of the walkie talkies I'd brought, and we tried that out. It was fairly successful. Then Mr Malcolm came storming in. He'd had to come back upstairs cos of all the noise and he was a bit cross. However he didn't have any of his "toys" with him, so I cheeked him back and didn't turn Nelson off when he told me to....... Sadly I hadn't noticed what Sir was wearing on his feet, and I found myself face down on the coverlet, getting several swats from one of his slippers. I hopped back under the covers and pretended I was going to go to sleep.

He turned the light off again, and departed. Michelle and I gave him five minutes, then we crept out onto the landing. We could hear the Beaks and the Cooks chatting away down in the kitchen. Not clearly, you understand, we weren't eavesdropping, just listening to see when they were going to go to bed. It took a while but eventually they trundled off one by one. While Michelle kept watch, I eased myself down a couple of steps, and aimed the remote control at Mr Malcolm's door. We were rewarded by the most amazing growling fart which reverberated all round the Staff landing . Encouraged, I jabbed the button two or three times more, then scuttled up the stairs as his door suddenly opened.

This time he brought his strap upstairs with him. Suitably chastised, we did actually settle down to sleep.............

to be continued.

That Boarding School

2009-10-19T09:07:00.001-07:00

Just home from boarding school, and it was even better than last time. Didn't think that was really possible, but it was! We had such fun! We had lots of interesting lessons, and we were so full of mischief that the Staff Room reverberated night and day to our cries of woe once we had been caught, which we invariably were.
Anyway, first of all I need a hot drink and a chance to quieten down from my excitement, then I will share all (well nearly all ) with my readers.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

Boarding School Imminent!!

2009-10-11T05:41:00.000-07:00

It will be boarding school soon. We have got so much mischief planned!! My guardian is busy washing and ironing my uniform, including my PE kit all ready to pack in my suitcase. I have one or two things to go in there too!
I'd love to share with you all just what we are going to get up to, but as I've said before, the odd Beak occasionally casts an eye over this, so you will have to wait until term is over, and I can reveal all!
Bethany

A Busy School

2009-09-14T01:46:00.000-07:00

School was very busy this last term. First of all we had presentations. Jane won Pupil of the Year for most individual house points, and Roman House won the House Shield. I'm House Captain of Romans, so I was well pleased with the efforts of my fellow Romans.
School actually started off fairly quietly. We have this little game that we play, called "pegging". you have to see how many pegs you can attach to a Beak without them catching on. It's not as easy as it seems because they are aware of our goals, and most of the Beaks shy away nervously if a pupil approaches within 18 inches of them. New Beaks are the easiest, because they haven't developed the highly suspicious nature of the regular ones! And then of course there is practice. You need to have a very quick, light hand to do the deed as you stroll past. My Nemesis befell me as I tried to peg Mr Armstrong. He was wearing a natty piece of gent's tailoring, a striped blazer, and we'd already chanced our luck by asking him where he had "parked" his boat. Apparently it was moored at Henley and we were to watch it. After a moment's confusion as Henley is some way up River from our venue, it dawned on us that it was our behviour we had to watch. So I strolled past with a rather nice green peg, with a tail on it, but I fumbled the pass, and I hadn't got more than two or three paces away when the words "Grant, see me straight after Assembly" stopped me in my tracks.
Once the unpleasantness was over I wriggled back to my seat, and settled down for history. We had a super lesson on ancient Romans. We learned about the structure of the Roman Army. Prof had provided lots of pictures, which we studied while he explained the difference between officers and other ranks, and all about the punishments they got if they didn't fight hard enough. We learned all about the origin of the word decimate..... fairly innocuous today, but two thousand years ago it meant the death of every tenth man in the offending legion. Scary hey? I think the other beaks were a bit surprised at how well behaved we were, but most of us were disappointed when the lesson came to an end.
We worked our way through maths and Drama, collecting entries for our Discipline Books, and having them dealt with during breaks. Tommy and I went round everyone making sure that they were all set for our major plan for the day's mischief. Mr Armstron had recently reminded us about Politeness to Teachers. At NGM, when the Beak comes into the classroom at the beginning of the lesson, we all have to stand up, and remain quiet until given permission to sit. This time, when ol Amstring came in, we stayed sitting, chatting amongst ourselves, throwing toys about etc. Sir was incensed, our books were collected and the spare Beaks assiduously wrote down our offences as we started English Grammar. In the interim I quietly turned on my Fisher's Price tape recorder which was hidden under my desk complete with specially doctored music cassette tape.
We were about five minutes into the Grammar Lesson when the tape kicked in, and the theme from the film Jaws filled the air. I put up my hand, and remarked brightly, "Please Sir, they're playing your tune!" Mr Armstrong glared around the classroom, but even he had to smile when he found us all grinning back at him, wearing the jelly fangs which Tommy mac had provided! There was more scribbling in the books!
We finished off the day with a set of Puppet plays based on the Punch and Judy theme. Vikings dropped their baby, Saxons did theirs in original Anglo Saxon which incensed Miss Livingboobs who does not allow uncomplimentary language in school, Romans did a parody of Postman Pat and his black and white cat using the Beaks as their models, and Celts wowed us all with a tale of cannibalism which won them the House Points on offer.
I checked my discipline book and found I had several entries still to be dealt with. Nothing too serious in my opinion, but Mr Armstrong wasn't very appreciative when I shrugged my shoulders at him when he called me to task for entering the kitchen without permission, and Mr Melman (Postman Pat) wasn't too enamoured of the grow your own wig which I had bought for him. Well, the weather's getting chilly, I was just thinking of his welfare, he has a broad forehead and must feel the cold! I didn't feel cold when they both finished dealing with me though. Mr Malcolm kept on blaming me for impertinence, and he nearly punished me for pegging him when I hadn't. I was telling him it wasn't me, and Ol amstring who was passing by told him that if I said it wasn't me, it wasn't, cos I am very truthful. I still got punished for cheek though, and he kept losing count I think, and starting from the beginning, cos there were several lots of six involved!
So all in all another fun day. And the next thing is boarding school! We have got so much planned for that! Unfortunately I can't give much hint of that here cos this is glanced over occasionally by the odd Beak, and we don't want to spoil the surprise! So more about that after the event providing I can settle comfortably on a chair long enough to type up the account!

Term time is approaching

2009-08-21T04:48:00.000-07:00

Term time seems to be creeping up on us. Time, I think , for some serious plotting. I can't disclose much on here just in case it's being monitored by the Beaks, but it depends rather on whether they have accrued any computer privileges. Our Beaks, you see, are parked safely in the Home for the Frail and Befuddled between terms, where they do bed pan training, knotting courses, or, in the case of our Head of English, just hang upside down from the rafters in the basement, like a bat. Good behaviour and compliance does, or so we pupils understand, earn the Beaks privileges, like using the computer, having a real knife to cut their meat rather than a plastic one and so on. Computer privileges can be something of a nuisance though, as we are frequently called to task or ordered "On Report" by a disgruntled Beak. Still, I'll take a chance cos there are a couple of things which I need to know.
Would anyone know what is the best sort of glue for attaching teeth to a mousetrap? And would it be a good idea to transfer current from the mains through the Staff Room door handle, or would that be just a tad too strong? Science isn't my best subject.
I really must go and sort through my satchel, update the contents, and get rid of anything superfluous to my needs, like exercise books and test papers.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

The School Trip

2009-08-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

We had the bestest ever school trip yesterday. And we didn't have to wear uniform, not even our NGM tee shirts, so I wore my Little Miss Trouble tee shirt! We went to Stonehenge. It was brill. By "we" I mean Miss Livingstone our long suffering Headmistress, Mr Malcolm, and Professor Robertson, who were the beaks in charge, then there was me, tommy mac, peter martin and sarah robinson. It's difficult, being summer time, for all the pupils to get together outside of term, lots of them have Guardians who take them to nice places like Cornwall or Blackpool. My Guardian sent me to stay with his miserable Cousin at Gloom House in Grim Cove, but they didn't keep me long, however that's another story!!
Back to yesterday. My Guardian decanted me at the Headmistress's house. We were a few minutes late owing to unexpected developments at home, but I got there before tommy mac!!! Yayy, tommy was late, again....Miss Liversausage told him off! We sat quietly in the car while we were driven down to a carpark near Amesbury, I think it was called, where we met Prof Robertson who had very kindly offered to bring sarah robinson down with him. Peter martin was dropped off, presumably by his guardian but I didn't see him arrive at first, then Mr Malcolm arrived. I'd tried sending Mr Malcolm some alternative driving directions and a change of time, but he'd sussed out what I was doing and I was under strict instructions to behave myself, or else!
Tommy, me, peter and sarah got into a huddle cos we wanted to apprise sarah of a couple of things we have got plotted for next term and her Guardian doesn't have computer privileges. Bit of a Luddite or so I understand from sarah. Anyway, the Beaks were immediately suspicious, they always are when they see a gaggle of us together, can't imagine why. So it ended up that tommy and peter were kept together with Miss L, sarah had to ride with Prof, and Mr Malcolm made me ride in his car with a threat of a reprimand if I didn't toe the line. His reps tend to burn strips off your skin, so I thought I'd better be good.
Eventually we parked, and walked along this track towards Normanton Down Cemetery. The landscape was amazing, softly rolling hills with humps along their ridges. Miss Liversausage explained that these were barrows. There are lots of different types, and this area is fair peppered with them. The bronze age people and the neolithic people used to park their dead relatives in these barrows, along with grave goods. Tommy wanted to go and dig a hole, but Miss L said we were not allowed to go right up to them.
After a while, the track that we were following rose up and up, and then, at the crest, we could see right across the valley to where Stonehenge stood out in all its glory. It was spectacular to us 21st century folk, and we knew it was there, it must have been awe inspiring to the ancient folk.
After a stop for drinks, we pottered back to the cars, and went round to Stonehenge itself.
First priority was lunch. The weather was glorious and we just sat in the field and munched and chatted. Miss Livingstone wanted to take us all across to see the barrows up close. By this time, I was in a bit of difficulty. My walking boots are still rather new, and a bit stiff, and I'd managed to grow an enormous blister on the side of my big toe, plus the waistband of my jeans was scraping across the scar I acquired recently in hospital, and my side felt like it was on fire.
The beaks were somewhat reluctant to leave me to my own devices. Eff-one (Mr Malcolm) seemed to be of the opinion that I might knock the stones down like a domino run if I wasn't watched. I think he was still a tad miffed cos I'd suggested we use him as a sacrificial goat as a sort of practical lesson on what happened in the olden days at Stonehenge!
Anyway, I believe lots were drawn, and it fell to Prof Robertson to give up the 3 mile round trek to the barrows and supervise my behaviour. Having felt his hand on more than one occasion, I decided I didn't want to run the risk of a spanking and sat quietly while the others set off on their expedition. It was very comfortable sitting in the sun. Prof Robertson and I discussed various aspects of military history, and the life and times in the late nineteen forties, fifties and sixties, so the time passed quickly and pleasantly.
When the others returned, we were taken to a harvester restaurant where we had a scrummy meal. Everyone was still on their best behaviour and it was fun eating with the grown ups.
After that we said goodbye to Sarah and Prof cos they had a long way to go home, and we went off to drive home. It was super fun, and I do hope we get to go on another day trip.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

July Schoolday.

2009-07-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well, that was a fun day. We had co-ordinated a certain amount of mischief in the days before school began, and huddled together just before Assembly to fine tune the details! We had decided that Mr Melman was to be the target of the rhubarb project. We have nothing against the dear man, it was just that his subject lent itself to our needs! He's the Social and Economic History Beak, you see, and we get some very interesting lectures about famous, and infamous folk in history. The ploy was to wait and see which poor sod he had angled in on this time, then use their name as the cue for chanting "rhubarb". We were going to claim that we were victims of post hypnotic suggestion, but retribution landed far too swiftly for us to try and swing that one. The first problem came when Mr Melman, or Postman Pat as he is affectionately known amongst his little charges, revealed that he had left his notes at home, so was considering doing a General Knowledge quiz. By chance there was available a little project on William Corder, the Red Barn Murderer, so Postman Pat being a believer in democracy, decided he would put us to the vote as to whether we wanted history or General Knowledge. Tommy went round the boys, I nobbled the girls, and it was suggested that we all vote for History! We did.
The beauty of having the subject of the lecture as the cue word is that the lecturer has to keep repeating the name as the talk continues... even when he's twigged! It didn't take him long to twig either, and he had Mr Malcolm (aka eff-one) scurrying around the classroom collecting our punishment books, then writing "rhubarb" under the list of offences! Retribution was suitably painful, but the giggle factor was worth it!
There was quite a lively race meeting after lunch. Racing grannies and nuns bounded along the track, and several of the pupils were betting quite heavily. Yours truly was out of this bit of mischief. I'd upset eff-one a tad by dropping a pill into his orangeade which transformed into a snake (the pill not the orangeade). He took exception to this, and also decided that as I was handy, he would wipe off a few more offences from my list. They are amazing those lists, they are like Topsy from Uncle Tom's Cabin, they just grow! Anyway, I think he was slightly on the miffed side, he certainly laid on with a will anyway, and I retired to the step outside the back door to recover my composure for several minutes. The only advantage was that I was not hauled away by the Headmistress to be dealt with for gambling. An offence which is definitely against the school rules.
At the beginning of school I'd managed to secrete a grisly sounds machine in the cupboard behind the teacher. It went off several times before Mr Grimshaw (the Grim) tracked it down. There was another one going off at the same time, a ruder one, which gave mine some respite and a chance to moan again. Mr G expressed his displeasure in the usual way, and I do rather bemoan the fact that we are not issued with soft cushions for our rather hard school seats.
I was in a funny old mood overall cos I was so thrilled to be back after being off sick last time. I decided to see what would happen if I tried some blatant defiance. I said "shan't" to Postman Pat, and refused to let eff-one confiscate a tap prank, telling him "no, will not"...... The results were reprimands which curled my toes, and chastisements that I can still feel as I type. I did make my apologies, and I've ticked that off my things to try to do, and put them onto my list of things not to be attempted again because the consequences are too dire.
We had a rather interesting maths lesson with Miss Brookes (Miss Teabags....what else could we call her), doing tangrams. They are a lot trickier than they look. We also had some questions on triangles, and I was thrilled to five out of five right, cos that meant a house point (and they are as rare as hen's teeth most of the time!).
Archaeology involved a lesson on Stonehenge. I think most if not all of us were disappointed when it had to be cut short cos we were running out of time. Still we've got that to look forward to in September.
We didn't manage absolutely everything that we had planned, but then there is always next time and it's good to have some plans in reserve.
Lots of good harmless fun, plenty of nice naughtiness, and we have inculcated the new oiks into the ethos of the school, no sneaking, no letting someone else take the blame for your mischief and we all pull together against the beaks.
Bethany Grant
Head Girl

New Term

2009-07-08T14:56:00.001-07:00

The new term is creeping up upon us. I am so excited. I missed last term due to ill health, so I'm going to doubly enjoy myself this time. We have been plotting. Can't mention the pranks here cos sometimes there is the odd beak (and our Beaks are odd, believe me) lurking about. I don't want to forewarn them. But after school, I will reveal all!

The Midnight Feast

2009-04-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

We were all quite tired at the end of the first full day. We'd had several hours of formal lessons, and after tea we'd settled down to an hour's prep too. I tried injecting a spot of liveliness into prep, but all I managed was to infuriate Mr Malcolm into handing out a caning which left me very well behaved for the remainder of the period!

After Prep there was one more lesson, star gazing, but I had to remain indoors because my Guardian had forbidden me to go out into the cool night air. The others all enjoyed the lesson, but we were all very excited because we had planned a Midnight Feast.

First of all we had to get past Lights Out. Sadly, our excitement caused us to chatter, and Miss Livingstone descended upon us and placed us on report for talking after Lights Out. We kept a bit quieter after that. Michelle and I took turns going out on the landing to see when all the Beaks had gone to bed. It was lucky we were on the top floor and they were on the floor below, cos we could spy on them quite easily.

We'd decided that the traditional hour, Midnight, was to be our target time. The last of the Beaks headed off to beddy byes at 1130, and we set about waking the others. Tommy mac and Peter were fast asleep, but woke up quickly once they realised it was time. Katherine and Nicola were a much more difficult task, and we had to reluctantly leave Nicola who was just too soundly asleep to rouse!

We gathered all our tuck, and started creeping down the stairs. Tommy mac remarked that stairs make much more noise after dark, and he was right, they creaked and groaned as if to wake the dead!

However we reached the ground floor safely, and ensconced ourselves in the Staff Room. Yes, I know the Staff Room is out of bounds to the pupils, but we were being so naughty anyway, we didn't think it would make that much difference!

We had a super assortment of goodies, cakes, crisps, nibbles, chocolate, coke and cider. We raided the kitchen to look for more goodies, and the boys had a Cup Final Championship on the football thingy game . A couple of the girls nipped out the back to smoke, then we all returned to the Staff Room and chatted for simply ages. Not a soul stirred upstairs, and we were thrilled to think we'd got away with it.

Next morning however nemesis caught up with us! We were summoned into the Staff Room, and Miss Livingstone produced some wrappers, and a cidery cup which we'd been careless enough to leave behind. We knew the game was up, and anyway, at New Grange Manor we are on our honour to tell the truth, so we confessed. We made sure that the Staff knew that Nicola was innocent though, we look after our chums at NGM.

Retribution was of course, swift, Robert and I got double as we are Head Boy and Girl... there's always responsibility with office! And although we all, except Nicola, had some difficulty sitting comfortably at breakfast, the memory of the Feast kept us giggling for the rest of the day.

Boarding School

2009-04-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

That was the bestest, superest, dooperiest weekend ever! And once I can sit comfortably for a period of time on this hard seat, I shall share some of it with you! Things like the Midnight Feast, the Kitchen Raid (which we got away with), the 2am bombardment of sound bugs (which we didn't get away with hence my discomfort!) the school trip to the seaside, all sorts of wonderful things!
Bethany

Gulp! School Tomorrow!

2009-04-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

It's tomorrow! The hols have come to an end, and we are back to the grindstone! I wanted to go by train, cos there was always the chance of accidentally getting on the wrong train and going to Land's End or John O'Groats by mistake, and having a few days of unsupervised mischief. However, my Guardian has got the route planned out, including some stops en route, and I've been warned I've got to be good while travelling.
Once I've put my stuff away in the dorm, and changed into uniform I'm slated for an interview with Mr M. That's not Mr melman, the Deputy head, it's the beak we call Eff-1. Mr Melman, if my readers remember aright, is ol Postie, but unfortunately his parole was revoked or something (he told one of my chums he was moonlighting elsewhere, "working" was the term he used I believe but....) so at least that's one pair of Beakish eyes which won't be glinting like gimlets in our direction!
I am experiencing some trepidation, although Eff-1 seems to be a quiet sort of bloke, he's no slouch with a cane, and, with hindsight, I do wonder if I was slightly more cheekier than I really intended. Still, the whole point of punishment is to make the miscreant feel sorry, so if I can convince him that I really, really couldn't be sorrier than I am now, he may let me off. It's worth a try anyway.
It'll be fun sharing a dormitory again. I need to smuggle in a few things in my tuck box, we must have a dorm feast, it's traditional. Depends I suppose on who is duty bed time Beak too as to when we can actually plan it. We have another little plan in the pipeline, but this one might be quite difficult to actually implement. I'll report on that later, if we manage to pull it off.
I had a moment's panic when I couldn't find my school shoes. Thankfully they were wrapped in a bag and in the car boot already. Matron would have had a few things to say if I'd turned up in full uniform and trainers!
So tonight is the last in my own little bed, with my toys around me, and the trees waving outside the window. It'll feel funny tomorrow, being in another bed. Hope the mattress isn't lumpy!
My Guardian says I have to have an early night so bye for now.
Bethany

Boarding School.

2009-04-12T03:26:00.000-07:00

Boarding school is getting closer and closer. My suitcase is very nearly packed with my school uniform, including a couple of extra white shirts. My holiday homework is done too, all twenty two pages of it! My Guardian has checked the route, and we are going to have a bit of a sightseeing tour on the way there. I've been trying to pack my own bits and pieces too. I'm sure there will be lots of scope for mischief once we are settled in.
I'm already in a bit of trouble though. Misunderstood again of course, Mr M has taken high spirits as impertinence, and he is determined to reform me. Oh well, it's been tried before and I've popped back up. Irrepressible was the term used, I believe, along with incorrigible and recidivist! But then, a quiet, studious, subdued bethers would probably be more of a worry to matron than the usual article. Hope the grub's good...... you know what school dinners are usually like!

Dead Computer

2009-03-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

No news at the moment cos my home computer has died to all practical purposes. And I don't much fancy sharing my blogging thoughts in an internet cafe! But watch this space folks.......my new computer is winging its way towards me!
Bethany

What a good school day.

2009-03-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a great day. The beaks were in good form, too good on occasion, nothing escaped their eagle eyes! I'm not quite up to chatting about it all now, this chair is a tad too hard to do much sitting at the moment. So I'll mull over the events in my mind, and share them later. I'm still a bit shaken by the reprimand I got off the Deputy Head. I hadn't realised quite how naughty I'd been, hiding outside and missing the start of the last lesson, and his stern words hit home......

Golly Gosh!

2009-03-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

It's so exciting, school tomorrow! I've got my uniform neatly pressed, my shoes are shining, and they are all safely stashed away in the boot of the car. My satchel is in there too. packed with school stationery, pens, pencils and some bits and bobs of which more later. The day after school to be exact, just in case any of the beaks have gained computer privileges in the Home for the Frail and Befuddled and are looking at this. Peek a boo Sir or Miss if you are!!
From all accounts it sounds as if we will have a decent sized school tomorrow. Plenty of pupils, and (unfortunately) a plethora of Beaks, so mischief is going to take a fair bit of planning. Never mind, it's often the spontaneous mischief which works the best! Like the time I spotted a decorative bell at the car boot sale just before school, decorative cos it had no clapper, but in other respects it was a double of the school bell. By some judicious sleight of hand, I substituted my bell for the school one. Come 9am, the head beak started swinging the thing backwards and forwards, but no sound issued forth. When he turned it upside down to investigate, Matron chirped up with, "Oh dear, Head Master, you've lost your dangler", and the whole school erupted with laughter.
We're not allowed to touch the thing now, rotten spoilsports, and we do have to do as we are told, otherwise we get an entry in our punishment record book, and that augurs all sorts of unpleasantness. However, I've nearly run out of pages in my record book, and I reckon once I get down to the last entry, I'll be able to behave however I want cos there will be nowhere to add new punishments! Neat hey?
Right then, I need to go and prime, er that is, check on a couple of items, make sure they are in pristine order.And make sure my pencil's sharpened ready for Art. It really is going to be such fun!
Bethany

Nearly Spring Term

2009-03-02T00:56:00.000-08:00

Term time is drawing closer.

Time to regress to a period when

teachers had to be called "Sir" or "Miss", and uniform regulations were strict. Wonder what we will be learning this time, and just how many pranks we will be able to pull off in class!

Connotations

2009-02-22T01:16:00.000-08:00

"Hmmm....." It's jolly difficult you know, to read expression in the written word. I mean, take that Hmmm which the Deputy Head so kindly left. Could it be taken as a murmur of approval, shorthand say for "Goodness gracious, I didn't know the dear girl had been paying attention so intently in class, and to apply herself to work outside the classroom so energetically, well, I am gratified...." or " What a clever pupil, and how gratifying that she should use me as the role model....."
(New paragraph)It's not easy you see unless you can hear the tone of voice that was used. Emphasis is the word I think our erstwhile Head of English, one E.ver P.resent (well he's always hovering nearby when mischief is afoot) Armstrong, would use. You can follow the reasoning in the sentence, "the cat sat on the mat", as in "the CAT sat on the mat", "the cat sat on the MAT", or "the cat SAT on the mat."..... three different emphases..
So back to ol Postie and his Hmmmm...... There is of course a third option, the hmmm forced through gritted teeth, the raising of the eyebrows, the scowl, the fingers twitching as if holding an imaginary cane. Knowing my station in life, as a lowly pupil at private school, I reluctantly admit I rather favour the latter.... The choice that is, not the consequences. I don't want to be on the carpet again, it's starting to wear a bit thin where my feet shuffle about, explaining myself to an irate Beak, but in an unfair world I think the last line of the poem will come to fruition, and Sir will doom me to Detention.

Poetry Appreciation.

2009-02-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite lessons at New Grange Manor is English. I'm also very interested in History, but that's a subject for another day. Anyway, I've learned quite a bit about the different types of poetry, ballads, narrative verse, sonnets, limericks etc. One of the types which appealed to me was parody. I found an interesting poem in a St Jim's book, by, I think, the author of the Billy Bunter stories. it seemed to cry out for parodying, so here goes.......

The Deputy Head.

He stalks abroad in cap and gown,
His countenance is thund’ry;
He wears a fierce forbidding frown
Which startles all and sundry
When Mr Melman’s on the prowl
A leather belt tightly gripping,
Few stop to meet his angry scowl-
To safety they go skipping.

No sterner tyrant walked the earth
Since the fierce days of Nero:
No connoisseur of human worth
Could hail him as a hero.
But NGM children dislike him not,
And Susie , Beth and Tommy Mac
Continually applaud their lot;
They’ve such respect for Postman Pat.

In those “unhappy far-off days”
Of which the poet prattles,
Timothy, perhaps, had childish ways,
And played with hoops and rattles.
But if he ever was a youth.
(And many NGM-ers doubt it)
Our Postie has, to tell the truth
Forgotten all about it!

What makes him so severe and stern?
That is a puzzling question:
Perhaps he often gets a turn,
Of painful indigestion!
Perhaps a pessimist is he
Who pines in sad seclusion,
And sees in life no fun or glee,
But sadness and delusion.

To spare the rod and spoil the child,
Is not his resolution:
In fact, when Ol’ Melman’s wild,
He does great execution!
To rule by kindness, not by fear,
Should be his fixed intention:
But when he reads what’s written here,
He’ll doom Bethany Grant to detention!

Mundane Thoughts

2009-02-12T15:12:00.000-08:00

I recently bought a video of "Madagascar". I'm not a fan of cartoons, but rumour had it that our Deputy Head has the same name as one of the stars of the film, so curiosity got the better of me. Interesting... the psychology I mean.... He didn't choose Mr Alex, the lion, the brave leader of the...... er.... gang rather than pack I think. Or Gloria, although I can maybe see his thinking re that particular character, or Marty the adventurous zebra, no he went for bumbling, cautious ol Melman, the one with the neck. As I say, interesting. It's made me think about the other names that our groan ups have chosen, or had thrust upon them.
Mr Armstrong is fairly obvious, the bloke does have strong arms, and a certain skill in placing a stroke.... No doubt all that cricket that he gets up to when not incarcerated in the Home for the Frail and Bewildered. You'll remember the place I think, the beaks were sent there when the NHS closed down their other Home. EPA., as he likes to be known ( Edward Peregrine perhaps... we really must investigate this ) found his niche in the basement once again, where he hangs upside down, from the rafters, like a bat.
Miss Brookes probably thought she was fairly safe. A short snappy name. But lateral thinking is de rigeur at NGM, and from Brooke we arrived at Brooke Bond, and from there it was a simple step to arrive at Miss Teabags.
Matron Godders, is easy, from Matron we get Matey, because School Matrons are supposed to be kind, motherly, the repository of our darkest fears........ it's a bit of a blow to find that ours has 20/20 vision and eyes in the back of her head. No getting any naughtiness past her!
Miss Livingstone, our erstwhile Headmistress. What a gift her name is. Such possibilities for even the least naughty of our schoolchildren.... Miss Liversausage (my favourite) Livingboobs (usually from the naughty boys) Pavingslabs...the list is endless.
And then comes Miss Molestrangler. Now that is a name to conjure with. I have a sneaking suspicion that anyone who chooses Molestrangler as a name should perhaps be treated with kid gloves...psychology again!
Mr Reaman, is he a real man. or a remnant ...being rather new, we haven't quite got our heads together over this one.......
Miss Trescothick..... another weird and wonderful name...a devil to spell, especially backwards, and almost impossible to pronounce when one is in the grip of great emotions, having perhaps, just been discovered causing inappropriate noises in class. The dear lady does have sharp hearing! But again, another wonderful name to play with, Miss Teacosy is my favourite, and as we have Miss Teabags, they do rather make a set!
So these are our (more or less) regular Beaks. (For the uninitiated, a Beak is a term of endearment for a Schoolmaster/Mistress. Eyebrows have risen when individual teachers have been referred to as Beaks, but then, it is so much more respectful, and kinder, than Muppet....
So that's the faculty at New Grange Manor, interesting bunch, and bane of the life of misunderstood pupils!

Tempus Fugit

2009-01-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

A whole week since last school, several more until the next. Time for memories to chuckle over, and even more time for plotting new mischief. Time too to sort out my uniform, get it cleaned before I drop into the Party on the 7th. Time to start spreading the word that NGM is up and running, let folk see the new green jumper and blazer and get them used to associating bottle green with NGM. Gentle bratting I think, we are not St Trinian's.

First Thoughts

2009-01-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

Well, this is all rather exciting. Never done a blog before. It's something that bears thinking about. First few bloggy thingies will ramble a bit I think.
Bethany